Horoscopes: March 11

ARIES
March 21 | April 19
This week it’s food gems. I’ve been using the vegan shortbread cookies as the outer layers of an ice cream sandwich—get one of those fudge bars and go ham! Taking the stick out is tricky, but worst case you eat a little bit of wood, and I mean hey.

TAURUS
April 20 | May 20

You can make any boxed pasta in your microwave!!! It takes forever and is a bear to clean up but it’s possible. Also all instant mac can be instantly elevated with butter/cream cheese, parmesan and six packets of pepper. Thank me later.

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GEMINI
May 21 | June 20

This isn’t really a hack as much as a reminder: Take stuff. Take everything. Each time I go to the Deece I take a Schweppes and now there are like 13 Schweppes under my bed but GUESS WHAT! I can make cocktails, or drink them when I’m too lazy to fill up my water bottle.

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CANCER
June 21 | July 22

Barely a hack, but: They literally sell loaves of bread at Express. I didn’t know how much I missed bread until I couldn’t eat it, but now I can, and it is a joy for me. Appreciate your bread, folks. You never know when you won’t have it anymore.

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LEO
July 23 | August 22

The Cracker Barrel mac and cheese thing from Express is really good. That’s all. I mean, it’s an exorbitant amount of money, but if you really want a home-cooked-esque pasta dinner and the Deece doesn’t have it, Cracker Barrel has your back.

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VIRGO
August 23 | September 22

Popcorn is good, but you know what’s better than popcorn? TRICK QUESTION! Nothing is better than popcorn. It’s delicious, it’s vegan, it’s the loudest of snacks, it’s got the word pop IN THE NAME. This isn’t Vassar-specific at all; I just think that this food deserves more love.

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LIBRA
September 23 | October 22

If you ask at the Grill or the Deli, they will give you slices of cheese. If you were to ask me, “Hey Madi, what do you need with four slices of American cheese?” I might say, “I use them to make egg sandwiches on the weekends,” but frankly it’s none of your business.

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SCORPIO
October 23 | November 21

Our meal plan provides an incredible array of milk and milk-adjacent products. The Silk chocolate almond milk is a personal favorite of mine. For up-to-date reviews and a reminder of the vast assortment available to us, follow @milkofvassar on Instagram.

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SAGITTARIUS
November 22 | December 21

Ever used creamer on cereal because you ran out of milk? Yeah, don’t. It’s a really bad idea. But what am I if not a disembodied voice to make mistakes for you before you make them yourself? You’re welcome.

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CAPRICORN
December 22 | January 19

Cheddar Sun Chips are like, actually good. I used to think that they were a bad substitute for other cheesy favorites, but now I find myself craving them. Sometimes, the most overlooked of snacks are also the most delicious. Keep this in mind.

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AQUARIUS
January 20 | February 18

Cream cheese is literally just cream brought to a bare simmer with lemon juice poured into it to separate out the curds, and then the curds are blended and salted???? This isn’t a hack; it isn’t even really a recipe. It’s just something that made me go “HUH?” when I first read it.

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PISCES
February 19 | March 20

Sometimes, when I’m sad, I’ll eat some fruit snacks. Not the “healthy” ones like Welch’s, no—I mean the ones with Scooby Doo on the front where one of the flavors is “blue.” Fruit snacks are good for the soul and I think we as a society forget this too often. Try to remember.

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