Horoscopes: March 25

ARIES
March 21 | April 19
Happy Aries season! Return to what you know by being passionate, spearheading plans and loving your friends. Remember to wear sunglasses if it’s sunny. Take care of your eyesight! Use your eyes to look at beautiful things. I love you :)

TAURUS
April 20 | May 20

There is SO much art on my wall. Whenever people see my wall art they go, “Madi you have so much wall art,” and they’re right. The secret is that I hoard pretty pictures like a dragon. I take pamphlets and magazine cutouts and go to town.

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GEMINI
May 21 | June 20

What if we’re all in the Matrix or what if we were all created last Thursday or what if we’re all data on the surface of a black hole? Trick question, actually. Who cares! Pick up a stick and say, “Cool stick.” The meaning of life is chocolate milk. 

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CANCER
June 21 | July 22

If you open your windows to let the beautiful cool breeze in and take in the sunlight, a little voice in your head will go “It’s all going to be okay.” That voice is mine. Hi! Hello! I’m right (I’m always right). Just don’t ask me how I got in there.

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LEO
July 23 | August 22

Appreciate something that you normally don’t appreciate! What’s your least favorite color? What if you said is your FAVORITE color for today. Maybe you will fall in love with it, who knows. And if not, at least you learned something. 

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VIRGO
August 23 | September 22

Pick some small task to do that will make your life just a little bit more peaceful, like making your bed or taking out the trash. Then you can rationalize sitting on your bed and doing nothing for hours. Not speaking from experience, or anything. 

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LIBRA
September 23 | October 22

Write pointless things on your to-do list just to cross them off later. Remember: Eating lunch is still an activity! If you’re looking for other things to fill the time, consider: Hug a tree. Smell the beautiful spring air. Actively try not to think about all your assignments. 

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SCORPIO
October 23 | November 21

Remember that if you’re stressed, you are in control of your thoughts and you can just not be stressed :). I don’t understand why people think psychology is so hard; I just solved every problem. Freud (boo) would think I was a god, and he’d be right. 

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SAGITTARIUS
November 22 | December 21

Find a small animal (or any animal, really) and PET IT. Dog. Cat. Gerbil. Hamster. Bird. Someone near where you live has a pet that will let you touch their soft head and escape your problems. Wrestle a womp-womp from its burrow; do whatever it takes!!! 

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CAPRICORN
December 22 | January 19

Maybe you’re beginning to feel like Sisyphus, that guy who rolls the boulder and it always falls back down the hill at the end of the day. For a change of pace, roll yourself down the hill. The one by Sunset Lake! Don’t fall in, though. I’m not liable if you fall in. 

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AQUARIUS
January 20 | February 18

You need a breather now more than ever!! Budget time in the day for MULTIPLE naps! Nap after lunch! Nap between classes! Nap at 7 p.m.! Nap right after you wake up! There are so many possibilities; why deny yourself the joys of sleep-but-daytime?

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PISCES
February 19 | March 20

The romantic scenarios you construct in your head before going to sleep? They’re getting stronger. You have created a fully-functional doppelgänger that’s just like you except better, because they’re getting railed. Now you have to fight them. 

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