Dr G’s Love Advice Week 13: A post-nut clarity conundrum

Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.

Dear Dr. G,

I had a hook-up last weekend who I thought was super hot and totally my type, but as soon as I came I felt like I never wanted to have sex ever again. I had sex again this morning with my neighbor and it happened again. What’s wrong with me?

-Is this Catholic Guilt?

Dear Guilt,

I fear that this may be a topic which hits close to home for many readers, but nonetheless I have a duty to discuss it. Let’s talk about post-nut clarity. 

This phenomenon is most common after watching porn. It’s always the porn that you would normally scroll past, where they’re doing something sort of weird thing that you’re not really into. The type of stuff that you would usually see an ad for in the corner of the porn you want to actually watch, which has a ridiculous or problematic plot, but for some reason today you think, “Maybe this is hot?” But, as soon as you’re done with the deed, you look at your screen and realize you just nutted to “big t*tty goth M*LF catches step-son with a new young girlfriend” or something equally as cringe (I’m not here to kinkshame but the production value is just … low). This can happen with your own thoughts, too; you’re just letting your mind wander as you go to town thinking about your hot biochemistry professor, but half an hour afterwards you’re in lab looking at him and he’s just not the sex god you were imagining him to be. For those who need no mental or visual aid to reach climax, idk why are you reading a sex advice article? Go do your Urban Studies Essay, I know you already got two extensions on it :/. 

So, how do we fight this epidemic of somber post-nut clarity? The first option is much easier said than done; I encourage you to try only having sex with people you like. In a campus utterly saturated with hookup culture, during a semester where the only people you see outside of your pod are those you grab a “socially distanced meal” with or are boning, many of us will tend to reach out to that Tinder match that we are not totally enthused about. But if you think about it, who does that help? In the end, feeling like you just watched a Studio A24 film after each time you climax with a near stranger is not a joyous way to spend your precious time. Look, I’m not saying you have to marry the person, but maybe more than three messages back and forth before you decided to f*ck would make you feel a little better about your nearly random sexual partner. Plus, what’s worse than having sex with someone and then finding out they like the Deece Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza only after they have already cum inside of you? By then, the ship has simply sailed. 

To combat the issue when you’re rocking solo, consider whether your porn is ethical or not. I know that we all have that favorite video/story which we could reproduce shot-for-shot if asked, and I’m not asking you to give that up. But, I’m gonna bet that if you consume porn you probably do almost all of it for free on places like PornHub, XVideos, or Twitter (RIP Tumblr for porn). It’s always the weird video that you never thought you’d watch on one of these massive sites, where neither (or none, if you like group stuff) of the people even look like their heart is in it. Do you think you being the three millionth viewer of a porn produced nine years ago is going to make a significant contribution to that sex worker’s income? My alternative is certainly not the cheapest, but it’s certainly the more sustainable choice, which is to support more local sex workers through websites like OnlyFans. Don’t you have someone you follow on Twitter who you think you would be best friends with? You love their content, their jokes, and you just want them to be successful and live their best life? And then suddenly one day they drop an OnlyFans link? This is your chance. Better yet, maybe you have a favorite pod at Vassar who is on the verge of making the jump into amateur porn stardom; they’re going to need some support, so don’t be afraid to ante up to get off. 

I’m sure there’s some studies or actual real life scholarship that discuss this, so if you want to do a deep dive into post-nut clarity scholarship, be my guest. But, wouldn’t you rather drink the gospel truth straight from the mouth of your favorite Vassar sexual anthropologist? Tbh, next time I can spit the information directly into your mouth if you’re into that (hmu through a cryptic post on @VassarConfessions on Instagram, I’ll see it, probably). 

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