The Nature Report: Mr. Jack Frost has arrived on campus

Courtesy of Nicholas Tillinghast

Say you go out on a nice Tuesday morning. You see something under the building shadows that gives you chills. That right there is evidence that someone has been strutting their stuff on our lawns. Some might point to the turning of the leaves or the cooler temperatures, but I pinpoint this individual’s arrival to the morning frost on the grass. Apparently now more elusive than the Zodiac Killer, let me introduce you to person of interest Mr. Jack Frost, also known as the second greatest Frost (pretty hard to beat out “Mending Wall”). Now, you might be asking yourself, “What does he look like?” In considering this question, you might be quick to accept the 2012 portrayal of Jack in the film “Rise of the Guardians” over the 1998 film “Jack Frost,” but in addition, I would argue “The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause contains the most accurate mockup of our suspect. Martin Short with frosted tips is awfully close to what I imagine him looking like. While our perpetrator of Fall cooling and icey grass remains at large, I would like to offer you some solace in this ongoing case. Taking a line out of John Fitzgerald Kennedy’s book, maybe the only Jack Frost to fear is frost itself. 

Before I continue, I would like to retract some claims about leaf sizes that I made in the previous issue of the Nature Report. The leaves that I found and described as jumbo and humongous respectively seem to pale in comparison to a certain leaf I happened to come across this week. With a nice Sunny D-like complexion, this gigantic raptor-claw-shaped leaf could be found on the path at the bottom of Shakespeare going down to the lake, hopefully still proudly hanging by the time that you find it. 

You might’ve caught me out on the corner across from the north side of Main precisely laying out tulip bulbs last Wednesday morning. It’s a nice busy spot where people occasionally say hello. I really appreciated this one lady who complimented my bulb placing (high praise, it really is). Also shoutout to the one dude who thought I was planting onions. While I’m working, people who are lost come up to me all the time, assuming me to be a wise and knowledgeable gardener that can help them out. For the large majority of these questions though, I do not know the answer. People always ask me hard questions like “Where’s the nearest UPS drop box?” or “Where is building 12?” Does anybody know where building 12 is? Half of the days I don’t even know what I’m planting. How am I supposed to help you find an elusive 12th building? I’m hoping for the day when someone asks me an easy question like, “where is Main” so I can just be like, “Oh, it’s right over there” and then quietly whisper “Idiot.”

 Lastly, I’d like to share the beef that I have with daylight savings time. Firstly, no matter which daylight savings event it is, I do not find out about it happening until late into the night prior. You could have told me daylight savings time was happening on any given Saturday night since the beginning of the semester and I would have totally believed you. My other qualm with daylight savings time is that there is almost no evening light now and this problem is only getting worse. The early birds are the only ones ultimately benefiting from this and I have never had much love for those folk. They can take their surplus of worms somewhere else. Fall was cool for a little bit. Now it’s just bogus.  

Bonus big leaf boi, courtesy of Nicholas Tillinghast

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