Madi Donat’s Weekly Horoscopes

Aries

Time is passing and that is very scary, but you can always reinvent yourself and become someone who isn’t scared of anything. Manifest bravery until it becomes reality. Ghosts? Who cares. Public speaking? No problem. All of those unread emails that you probably should look at? Well, maybe not those.

Taurus

TikTok is a great app, but it’s been giving me a large amount of Oreo-related content recently. Is there some sort of underhanded deal going on between TikTok and Nabisco? Should we as a society be worried about this? Whatever. I know how to make Oreo cheesecake bars now, and that’s all that matters.

Gemini

Sometimes I put on sparkly eye makeup and then I’m like, why don’t I do this more often? And then I rub my eyes with an unparalleled ferocity and I’m like, oh yeah that’s why. Sometimes we hold ourselves back from reaching our true potential. But sometimes you do get moisturizer in your eye and you have to do something about it.

Cancer

I wish I could be best friends with bugs. I think it would make me like them more if I had a few of them as buds and could realize, hey, they aren’t so bad! Maybe a bug would like to be my friend, too. I hope so :) This week you should make friends with bugs and also other people. Everyone is your new bestie!

Leo

Dressing up is good but dare I say dressing down is better? There is nothing better than taking off a pair of pants with a button and putting on a pair of pants without a button and understanding the meaning of decadence. These comfy clothes ARE revolutionizing my brain chemistry, thank you very much.

Virgo

Every day Linda Wessberg emails me and says, how are you feeling Madi? And I say, I feel fine Linda Wessberg, thanks for asking :) And the thing about that is that Linda Wessberg actually cares about me. She asks me how I am and she genuinely wants to know! Linda Wessberg, you encourage me to keep going.

Libra

Life is so silly when you think about it. I’m in my room clacking away at my little computer and you’re reading these in the paper or on the internet or wherever and we don’t know each other but we do, kind of. Hi :) How are you? I hope you’re doing well. I think we should hang out sometime because you’re probably really cool.

Scorpio

Puzzles are SICK! I wish people who did puzzles were considered the coolest people in society because to me they are. People who can do anagrams or word games or ciphers or anything like that never cease to amaze me. If you put a Rubik’s cube in front of me I’d probably just start crying or something.

Sagittarius

Is anyone going to fix the weather? Like, I really don’t understand why it has to be this cold all the time, every day. My weather app keeps saying it’s in the high 40s but I walk outside in my little jacket and my hands fall off from the cold. Every single time. I might sue Apple soon because this is getting ridiculous.

Capricorn

I care a lot about music but sometimes I just like to listen to a silly little guy yell into his acoustic guitar. It’s kind of cathartic, I guess. I don’t even really relate most of the time but I still kind of get it. This week I think you should yell into an acoustic guitar and see where it leads you. I hope it brings you peace and joy.

Aquarius

I wish I could light candles in my room but the sad truth is that I simply do not possess any and I love to follow Housing’s rules. Sometimes you just have to light something on fire and stare at it for a while and be entranced by the wax melts. It’s calming, I guess. Or maybe I just have lots of pent-up anger. We don’t need to unpack that.

Pisces

You should totally dance around your room this week. Jump up and down and bang on the walls and throw things and go crazy and scream. Just find 10 minutes to go absolutely buck wild and don’t even pretend to care when someone knocks on your door and says, hey keep it down! Or, oh my god are you, like, okay?

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