Doctors perform heartless surgery on Joe Manchin

Senator Joe Manchin was rushed to the hospital yesterday in what his spokesperson described in a written statement as a “minor health emergency.” Although the Senator’s statement made no mention of the cause of the incident, sources within Walter Reed National Military Medical Center have provided valuable insight into Manchin’s condition.

Shortly after the Senator expressed his opposition to the expansion of child tax credits, he allegedly experienced severe pain in his chest and left arm. His staffers, recognizing that these symptoms are usually indicative of a heart attack, immediately called for an ambulance.  Manchin was then rushed to Walter Reed for treatment. Cardiologists at the hospital confirmed the staffer’s suspicions that the Senator was suffering from a heart attack, and began preparations for coronary bypass surgery.

The operation was immediately beset with complications, as surgeons were unable to locate the Senator’s heart. One of the attending nurses, who has requested to remain anonymous, stated that “they opened up his chest, and there was nothing there but a cold black pit of contempt.”  After realizing the serious nature of Manchin’s condition, the surgeons began preparations for a heart transplant—or rather, implant—in order to save the Senator’s life. While surgeons initially could not find a suitable heart, a generous donation from a man who gave his name as Cole Muhnee resulted in a successful procedure after 7 hours of surgery.

Individuals close to the Senator expressed that he is expected to make a full recovery. Indeed, Manchin’s written statement to the press expressed his conviction to “continue obstructing any attempt to make this country a better place.” With Manchin on the mend, Americans everywhere can take pride in the advanced nature of American healthcare that allows even the most heartless of individuals a second chance for life. 


  1. I think all he is doing is the Right thing for our country and our people we can not keep on handing out money like there no tomorrow we have enough to pay back now look at all the money that spend in the last two years that’s enough no more money

    • It’s interesting that The Republicans have no problem spending tax payers money, Trillions of dollars to places like Iraq, Afghanistan and many other countries. When it’s to be spent on the people in this country it’s a problem.

    • Such a Horrible article, but who would expect much more from a Demoncrat!
      I have a lot of respect for Joe Manchin, he is doing the responsible thing. We can’t afford every program the dems want. Spend spend spend! They know they won’t be in office after Biden. They are gonna leave things in a mess. Hand outs that will need to be taken back.
      I’m a senior on fixed income. Barely enough to live on. I don’t have my hand out cause we can’t afford it!

    • I agree the Manchin is doing the entire USA a big favor by not voting for the ridiculous bill the Dems want.

  2. This is a sick article. Joe is my cousin and as I was reading it I couldn’t believe my family hadn’t informed me of his condition. You all are the ones with no heart, just because he dies not agree with your narrative dies not make him wrong. Shame on all of you.

    • This should be treated as a THREAT to Joe Manchin. Some may say that’s pretty but I don’t think so these people believe they can INTIMIDATE, THREATEN and HARRAS anyone that don’t not agree with them they make death threats we should all make it very clear this is NOT ok or acceptable these people literally blocked him from leaving a parking garage putting themselves against his car they follow Kyrsten Sinema into a bathroom while filming her and Joe Biden’s responds with
      ” IT’S PART OF THE PROCESS” we need to call our senators and ask for this to be addressed.

    • Correct, just because he does not agree with the writer’s narrative does not make him wrong. Being wrong makes him wrong.

      I’m a little surprised by your statement that you couldn’t believe your family hadn’t informed you of his condition. You DO know this is a joke and there’s no indication that Manchin had any heart attack, right? You didn’t read the headline and think this was real, surely? Or did you think doctors actually performed surgery and actually found a cold pit of contempt where a heart should be?

  3. What a crock of crap. At least Machin has a backbone!! I hope he joins the Republican party! Forget senile joe biden! A puppet for soros & mooslum barry! God save America! TRUMP 2024!!

  4. This is the most horrible article I have ever read. Those who wrote it are the ones who have no heart let alone respect. The senator is a great man who stands for what he believes and I and many others stand with him. I expect this editor will have a lot of contempt coming his way. I sure hope so because his writing leaves a lot to be desired. I hope he or she, gets fired.

  5. Whoever wrote this needs to be locked up and put in jail this is b******* Joe manchin is doing what he supposed to do to represent his State and if you Democrats don’t like it tough s***

  6. Are you serious? This is not funny. I had open heart surgery and its no joke at all. We are all God’s children no matter what policail party we are.. This is hate speech.

  7. How stupid is the person responsible for writing something as rude as that? It shows just how ignorant the Democrats are!

  8. Good for you Joe Manchin. We need more people in Congress like him. Most of your fellow/lady Representatives don’t even care what the results of their vote is. They are to busy planning their vacation. THANKS for standing your ground!

    • Absolutely agree ?.

      Praying for him for rapid recovery in Jesus name.

      He IS a MAN who deserves all our respect for standing firm in his believes.

      May our L ord & Savior bring Healing on him & may Father G-D protect Mr. Joe from all harm & danger.

      Democrats are just PLAIN EVIL PERIOD.

  9. Absolutely agree ?.

    Praying for him for rapid recovery in Jesus name.

    He IS a MAN who deserves all our respect for standing firm in his believes.

    May our L ord & Savior bring Healing on him & may Father G-D protect Mr. Joe from all harm & danger.

    Democrats are just PLAIN EVIL PERIOD.

  10. I think this is the stupidest thing I have ever seen on face book joe manson is a human being whether democrat or republican this is so wrong you don’t know that God can allow you to have a heart attack and you won’t be saved if it happeends to you I pray your heart is right with God

  11. He’s Making This All about Joe And not About the country..he’s being paid off by the Republicans And he knows it.

  12. God Bless you Joe and heal you quickly. We new you you are doing the right job. Get well soon we need and love you.

  13. Obviously some commenters are in need of a humor implant.

    It’s not really the best article; it should have gotten to the punch line sooner and without dramatization of the “heart attack”, and maybe added in more ludicrous effects of the lack of a heart, and maybe identification of when the heart was lost, and maybe aftereffects after he was given a heart (like changing his mind). “Cole Muhnee” was kind of cute.

    It’s obviously not a threat. College newspaper editors are often unpaid, so threatening to get them fired is also not really a threat (I know — I had my share of threats to “get me fired” when I was editor of my college paper, I typically invited anyone who wanted me fired to come in and volunteer).

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