Horoscopes

Aries

Getting a break is nice, but it’s always a million times harder to get back into things. This week, remind yourself of the relentless grindset by throwing yourself in with reckless abandon. Say yes to everything, no matter your schedule. Make plans that overlap, bail on stuff you scheduled months ago; who cares! It’s the end of the semester!

ARIES March 21 | April 19

Taurus

It’s that time of year when everyone is so, so sleepy. Just so sleepy. Unbelievably sleepy. Tired and sleepy and tired. But instead of napping once (or twice) a day, try experiments in stimulants. Indulge in a healthy Monster, or perhaps a Red Bull. Or maybe just dunk your face in ice water. There are no rules when it comes to staying awake. 

TAURUS April 20 | May 20

Gemini

There are times when we feel simultaneously low on energy and also desperately in need of meaningful interaction. Look for friends this week! One place you can look for friends is Walker Field at night. There are many deer that graze there, and you can probably get to talking with one and become inseparable thereafter.

GEMINI May 21 | June 20

Cancer

Life is too short to wear matching clothes, I feel. Try different outfits, or maybe do one of those randomizers online to get even more out of your comfort zone. I wish we could all be as cool as Ashley Tisdale on the red carpet in 2004, but we cannot be. But maybe tomorrow you can throw on a scarf and a newsboy cap and have the time of your life.

CANCER June 21| July 22

Leo

It’s dry skin season! And I. Am. Itchy! It’s really such a beautiful time of year. Being cursed with dry skin is hard, but it doesn’t mean we have to make sacrifices. You can do anything you want to as long as you are properly lotioned. Plus, maybe someone will touch your hands and compliment how soft they are. We can dream.

LEO July 23 | August 22

Virgo

Are you feeling highly self-critical this week? Confidence may be diminished as we enter into these sad, cold winter months, but never fear! I am here to tell you: You’re worth it! You’re awesome! You’re more interesting and intelligent than everybody else. Your note-taking habits are genius and unparalleled. Congrats.

VIRGO
August 23 | September 22

Libra

Look out for chance encounters this week! Any stranger you happen upon could bring you luck. Whether they provide friendship, advice, or… something else, you may be in for a surprise! Remain wary, though. Not every stranger is a friend. Some of them will give you unsolicited advice about your appearance and body. Not cool.

LIBRA September 23 | October 22

Scorpio

Are you on fire with capital-O Opinions this week? Has spending time with your family radicalized you even more than you already were? Did you kind of enjoy yelling at your Republican cousin? Maybe outsource that anger to other pathways. Try Googling ways to get your energy out. Jumping jacks, maybe?

SCORPIO October 23 | November 21

Sagittarius

Get your energy up! Now is the time for running! Fighting! Yelling! Cracking jokes and making everyone love you! It must be really hard to be so charismatic and charming. Meeting new people is always great, but try not to posture too much. You are not Hank Green on TikTok, blowing our minds every two seconds. You are you! With fewer horse facts.

SAGITTARIUS November 22 | December 21

Capricorn

The stars are telling me that this week you will see visions. That’s not a bad thing, because my bestie Hildegard saw visions, but she also had really bad migraines, so that wasn’t great. If you find yourself experiencing premonitions, write them down! If they come true, you are magical. If they don’t, who cares? Visions aren’t real anyway.

CAPRICORN
December 22 | January 19

Aquarius

Do good deeds this week! Embrace your quirkiness to do acts of kindness in creative ways that other people wouldn’t think about. Do macramé for someone you care about! Make them a collage out of magazine cutouts, ransom-note style. Take a voice memo about your feelings and translate the sound bite into a graph. 

AQUARIUS January 20 | February 18

Pisces

Fantasy is fun and all, but the real world can be just as fun! There is such beauty around us. Today I was walking to class and I saw the brown grass against the brown buildings and I thought, “Whoa!” You know? Anyway. Beauty is everywhere. Make friends with a bug this week! Take pictures of dead trees! Why not?

PISCES February 19 | March 20



One Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *