Valentine’s Day headlines from another publication

Date who says they’re “down for anything” is clearly biased towards one hyper-specific option

 

These two people would each clearly rather be at home, in their underwear, watching YouTube videos

 

How to physically detach your hand so it doesn’t reach for your phone for the millionth time during a prolonged silence

 

Area man forcing you to watch him play a video game is “actually really good, but the lag is really bad, and my monitor is dark, and I can’t see, and…”

 

Sorry for pausing the show again, but I just have to bring up this completely unrelated, obscure piece of trivia

 

10 excuses to get out of a date that don’t involve mentioning your friends’ illnesses

 

I lived it: I completely listened to the five-minute song you were showing me while also feigning interest in your totally unique taste in music

 

Wow! That awkward couple over there is totally on their first date! Thank God we’ve been dating for so long that we’ve merged into a huge gelatinous blob!

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