How to beat the disastrous lunch rush

As a busy Vassar student, it isn’t always easy to find time for a nice lunch. With four classes, 40 hours of homework and 400 extracurricular activities to balance at all times, you might feel like you just can’t make it to one of Vassar’s wonderful dining options for a tasty, balanced meal. Well, I’m here to tell you that it can be done! Lunch doesn’t have to be a privilege for the idle rich in their diamond towers. Just follow these easy tips to fit in a healthy midday meal each and every day!

Tip Number One: Manage your time! One good thing to remember about being busy is that having an insanely stressful pile of obligations, chores and overdue bills isn’t late-stage capitalism’s fault—it’s YOURS. A healthy dose of crushing guilt should be all the motivation you need to get things in better order. Think of how sad you feel when you turn in an assignment late or almost miss a meeting because you had to run across campus to get to it. Then beat up yourself at least that much whenever you miss lunch!

Tip Number Two: Location, location, location! It’s important to choose a good place to eat from among the available options. Looking forward to a delicious meal is one of the biggest motivators to make time for lunch, which is why so many Vassar students think about the campus dining areas and decide not to bother. But that’s no good! Each possible option offers unique and attractive benefits for those who choose it. For example, the Deece chicken is 2% less undercooked on average at lunch than at dinner. Meanwhile, Express’ cold, dry sandwiches taste just like mama used to make and then throw in the fridge for four hours. Season your meal with the knowledge that, under Vassar’s meal plan, it literally costs you like $15. And don’t blame the workers—they aren’t the ones who decided to charge that much and then order the ingredients from Sysco!

Tip Number Three: Phone a friend! Still can’t muster up the motivation to go eat a zucchini and squash rice bowl at The Retreat? Well, I can’t blame you—if it’s SUMMER squash, then where the heck are they getting it from now that it’s WINTER? But you can hold yourself to your lunchtime goals more easily by getting a friend to come along with you. My advice is to get one of the booths at the Deece or the tables in the College Center for a more luxurious lunchtime dining experience. To secure this privilege, you will simply need to meet for lunch at 7:30 a.m. But that’s okay—the Italians are famous for their long lunches, and nobody runs a corrupt soccer league like they do. So clearly you can still get things done despite taking breaks!

Tip Number Four: Dine out! Still not feeling the Vassar lunch vibes? When all else fails, Arlington has it! Sure, you’re supposed to be saving money so that you can pay for your exorbitantly expensive Vassar tuition, but just look at the news: The world will end before that can happen. So why bother worrying? Wendy is out there, calling to you with her famous 4 for $4, my, she’s looking sultry today. Just give in to your temptations. It’s still Valentine’s month, after all!

So there you have it: four hot tips to keep you fed, fueled and ready to fucking GO. Lunch is the most important meal of the day, except for the other two, and whether you’re tucking into a comically small Retreat vegan sushi entree or something a little more substantial (but no tastier) at the Deece, you’re doing what you need to get through the rest of the day. And just think, once you’re finally done dealing with this, it’ll almost be dinnertime! Ahh, the circle of life…

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