The Miscellany News

Author’s note:

Almost all modern electronic devices support a replacement for 2FA called a Passkey, where you can log in using your fingerprint or face. The author hopes Vassar soon switches to Passkeys to replace the convoluted process of a Duo Mobile login. 

The Duo Mobile app has now become obsolete at Vassar after last week’s announcement of Dodecahedro Mobile, a new 12-factor authentication app. Beginning next Wednesday, all Vassar students will be required to update their software to accommodate the new change. 

Ruben E. Goldberg, the designer of the app, explained to us how the app solves all of Vassar’s electronic security problems. 

“You used to just click one button on your phone to verify you were logging in”, Goldberg explained. However, with Duo Mobile, the computer can’t tell if you are the person pushing the button. “For all we know,” Goldberg commented, “a malicious hacker could be trying to access your syllabus on Moodle.”  

To address the issue, Dodecahedro’s 12-step process simplifies matters greatly. First, you click a button on your phone verifying that you are the person logging in. Then, you click a button on your computer to verify that you are clicking the button on your phone. 

This process repeats 10 more times until you are clicking a button on your phone verifying that you are clicking a button on your computer verifying that you are clicking a button on your phone verifying that you are clicking a button on your computer verifying that you are clicking a button on your phone verifying that you are clicking a button on your computer verifying that you are clicking a button on your phone verifying that you are clicking a button on your computer verifying that you are clicking a button on your phone verifying that you are clicking a button on your computer verifying that you are clicking a button on your phone verifying that you are clicking a button on your computer. 

“I bet you didn’t even read that whole sentence, so how could a hacker possibly read your confidential data?,” Goldberg smugly explained.

Dodecahedro also includes cutting-edge machine learning algorithms and AI. We don’t know how or why, it just does. With this new technological advancement, the “Remember Me” button will now last up to 10 minutes before you have to log in again, double the time Vassar students are accustomed to. 

Goldberg explained to us that the 12-step process takes about an hour at most, so it shouldn’t be that much of a hassle for Vassar students. “You don’t mind waiting for an entire class period before you can check your email, right?”

“Right?”