This Sunday at 6:30 p.m., one of the most anticipated events of the year was streamed on live television, garnering one of the largest national audiences in television history. Attracting millions of viewers and a stadium full of dedicated fans, Taylor Swift watched her boyfriend play a football game.
Many fans were infuriated that a few random guys playing football occasionally got the spotlight over Taylor Swift. “Yeah, at the end, a bunch of people started celebrating really hard and the camera only focused on them,” Dhisapoy N’ted Swiftieh noted. “I hardly got to see Taylor!”
For the few people that are watching the event for the football, the stadium is offering a free rock holder for each participant to store the rocks they have been living under for the past few decades.
People now know what the sports industry is because of Taylor Swift. Soon, Swift will give other overlooked activities a boost with her presence, including eating and drinking. “Man, this ‘food’ thing is excellent! I’m glad Taylor Swift helped me hear about it,” Stahr S. Truhck said. The numbers speak for themselves in regard to Swift’s popularity. In fact, since Swift started the trendy new practice of breathing in 1989, several billion people have started breathing.
One enthusiast who claims he was watching the game only for the football says he was upset at all of the attention Taylor got over his obscure hobby. “I just wanted to see how the quarterback was making his plays!” he shouted. After attracting intense criticism for his statements, he was told to “shake it off, shake it off” and was informed he was acting like he was 22.
In addition to disrupting the sports industry, the event shook up the field of professional media. Shockingly, over 2,000 sports journalists, videographers and reporters instantaneously quit their jobs to switch to reporting on popular music. The reason this event is so shocking, one media analyst explained, is because it means they weren’t covering Taylor Swift as their full-time jobs already.
Swift, in reports, thought it was cute that they even offered amateur music in the middle of the football game. According to Rolling Stone, Usher, the R&B halftime singer, is one of the best-selling artists of all time, having sold over 80 million albums. “Aww, that’s nice,” one Swiftie noted. “He was good enough that he could probably get weekend gigs singing sometimes.” Other fans were more confused than delighted by the entertainment. “I didn’t know this ‘music’ thing existed outside of Taylor Swift,” Tunheel Viziahn noted.
Overall, Taylor Swift fans have remained steadfast in their views of the sport she watched. When asked for her opinions 25 minutes after the game ended, Maria Sowned Bhite concluded about the sport, “I forgot that you existed.”