Students remain unconvinced Blodgett Hall not a maze

Image courtesy of Benjamin Savel ’26.

On Tuesday, Vassar’s Dean of Strategic Maze Operations, Riddle Mee Kohnfusing, announced that despite ongoing rumors, Blodgett Hall was never intended to be a maze. This prompted swift replies from hundreds of students searching for answers as to what exactly the intended purpose of Blodgett Hall was.

Once students enter Blodgett, they will soon realize that the laws of time and space become subtly distorted. On the third floor of the building, each section of the hallway is at a different elevation, meaning students need to climb several flights of stairs if they want to stay on the same floor. “I don’t know what Kohnfusing is talking about. No building I’ve ever been in has had three floors on the same floor,” student Adam Veir E. Lohost ’25 stated.

Blodgett’s second floor contains many of these same time dilations. Toward the north side of the building, there is a bathroom that, according to my former anthropology professor, does not exist until you try to enter it. “Walk into the nearby trash cans, and the entrance will appear,” Professor Beisaw told our class. Her words were accurate—the entrance to the restroom is so hard to see that you have to almost trip over the trash bins before it is visible.

The first floor, with its eerily creaking doors and occasional skeleton, contains its share of adventures too, but the real labyrinthine challenge for students is the basement. This basement, which is simultaneously below ground-level from the west and above ground level from the east, housed several students during the early 1900s, but today, it consists of rooms that range from state-of-the-art laboratories with virtual reality headsets and 3D printers to abandoned storage spaces that look like they have not been used in a century. The basement is also rumored to have been used in the hall’s early days to conduct mysterious, foul-smelling experiments. College administrators unanimously agreed that this was the best building to place near the nursery school and playground several feet away.

Vassar’s first Dean of Strategic Maze Operations, Henry Ma’Jician, also managed to pack a large, grassy courtyard and full-sized auditorium into one of the smallest buildings on campus simply by bending the laws of time and space as he had done on other floors. Though he passed away in 1953, his grandson Nahow Youseemi said that the auditorium’s current use during orientation week, in which it simply livestreams a Zoom feed from another auditorium on the other side of campus, would make him proud.

Though the building is confusing, students still enjoy their experiences in Blodgett. “I’ve had the most aMAZEing time of my life here,” Jean H. Labyrinthine ’27 stated. After our interview, Labyrinthine proceeded to open the trapdoor that had materialized above her head, jumping out and making a quick exit.

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