I was walking out of Gordon Commons with my girlfriend the other day. Someone was walking a few feet before us and pushed open the door without looking back. My girlfriend said something like, “people are so rude here!” which has become her catchphrase at this point.
Maybe the unintended message of this story is that my girlfriend and I are self-righteous and need to lower our expectations, but that is not what I see. I see a world full of people who do not know how to treat each other. This goes beyond simple gestures like holding the door or saying thank you; I am talking about fundamental problems in our minds and spirits. In light of Bishop Budde’s sermon during the Inauguration, and the ignorant reaction to her courageous speech pleading for mercy and empathy from the Trump administration for immigrants and the LGBTQ+ community, we are seeing the virulent and utterly distasteful views of people coming to light. A deacon went to X—formerly known as Twitter—to respond to Budde’s plea by calling empathy sinful. We can blame the branding of empathy as a “sin” on the everyday games of rage-baiting and dog-whistling we are used to, but the true intention is so much more obvious and mundane. The problem is not limited to political differences, opposing viewpoints on gender and immigration or economic anxiety; it is the result of our most basic disdain for ourselves and rampant self-worship. We put our self-interests—our thirsts, our conceptions, our possessions, our grasping for validation—over the basic well-being of everyone else around us. Now do not get me wrong, you need to care for yourself and I believe we are all entitled to pursue happiness, but the difference between selfish desire and well-meaning joy is both blurry and jarring.
One of the most important facts I learned in high school was not in class, but the mandatory chapel services we had every week. During the pandemic, we held our services on Zoom, and in one of these services, the chaplain introduced us to a type of Buddhist prayer called a metta chant. It is a simple prayer for well-being and safety, not only for yourself and those close to you, but for the entire universe. This aspiration is the crux of Buddhism and many other belief systems. It is the covenant with, and concern for, our neighbors. Most who are familiar with Buddhism will identify it with the Four Noble Truths—essentially the belief that suffering is caused by “desire” yet is extinguishable through spiritual practice. Suffering, however, is recognized as a collective experience at a slightly deeper level, famously expressed as the paraphrased quote “I am sick because you are sick.” It does not matter if you are Buddhist, Christian, atheist or anything else, the realities of these ideas are easily observable in each of our lives.
The first step to alleviating this collective suffering is to realize that acting solely on your self-interest is pointless. You are not guaranteed to feel any better about yourself after being financially or socially successful. While these statuses are not inherently selfish, according to the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, those who ascend the corporate ladder have double the likelihood of ending up with depression. There are a lot of expectations around us to both belong in a given community and ascend the socioeconomic hierarchy to be above others. While this type of “success” is possible, striving for it constantly does not necessarily yield good results. Have some compassion for yourself and understand that the expectations and opinions of others are only as valid as you make them. I often worry about other people’s perceptions of me, and I force myself to dilute my personality and not talk about my interests for fear that they are not popular or practical. Disclaimer: You will not find any joy in doing that! Being paranoid about what others think all the time is still elevating your self-image over what actually matters. The question I beg you to ask is, “what am I doing here?” because evaluating your motivation behind your actions and existence is essential for personal and spiritual growth. Because we are social animals, our primary motivation should be to sow harmony and compassion in our communities, not to ascend hierarchies or crave external validation.
Even though choosing kindness over apathy is an individual and day-to-day, moment-to-moment concern, the effects are significant. According to the Mental Health Foundation, acting selflessly and being conscientious not only helps others, it improves your self-esteem as well. Who does not want a lasting feeling of happiness and a warmer community? I firmly believe that actively choosing to do simple things like calling your grandparents and helping out at a food pantry not only benefits society but also enhances our subjective experience in life. The reason why we grasp fleeting sensations of security, pleasure and validation is to feel better in our uncertain world, but—as elaborated ad nauseam—there are more meaningful options that lead to the aforementioned better results.
As we watch our systems and institutions slowly fall apart at the hands of those who seek to use us to fuel their greed, take heed of this message: You have the power to change the world. Maybe you are not a political leader or a billionaire, but your existence as a being on this Earth grants you the intrinsic power to promote good. Little acts of virtue and discipline add up. Say thank you to your professor at the end of class. Compost your food and recycle your waste when given the option. Gently smile to the people you walk by around campus. If you examine your life, look around, look at the news and social media, look at the White House, you will realize my girlfriend was right; people are terrible. You, however, do not have to be that kind of person—you do not have to submit to a horrible existence—if you put in the effort and show that you care for your neighbor.