Most Vassar students are familiar with President Elizabeth Bradley (PB)’s famous Sunday emails, in which PB takes the time to inform her queendom on the various goings-on and goings-to-be around campus. At the end of every weekend, I, like many others, await with bated breath that exhilarating email notification that simply reads “[Students] Sunday Email.” What simple, understated elegance. However, one email per week is simply not enough for most students. “A full inbox is a happy inbox,” says Ian Ho ’25. “When emails from my thesis advisor are camouflaged and covered up by emails that advertise ‘Arousing Jobs for Sexy Seniors’ and film screenings I’ll never attend, I can finally attain peace of mind.” It looks like students will soon see another newsletter added to the mix.
John Bradley, the First Gentleman of Vassar College and President Bradley’s husband, has recently announced plans to start his own newsletter, entitled “John-day Email.” “Brah, this newsletter is going to be frickin’ awesome sauce,” said Bradley. “I’m talkin’ serious fuego. I get bromigos comin’ up to me all the time at the pool saying stuff like, ‘Johnny! Sick speedos!’ or ‘When are you going to start that airtight newsletter, Jojo?’ So I thought, man, what’s stoppin’ me?’”
Bradley plans to write a newsletter that appeals to the masses. “None of that snoozer academia talk. That’s dead grody. My newsletter is ferda dudes. Hells yeah. I’m talkin’ best PB and J flavor combos, ranking my favorite snapbacks and coolest surf tricks. It’s gonna be straight dopamine. Slide me some skin, sister.” Bradley then proceeded to ecstatically high-five me before breaking out into air guitar.
“I’m really glad John is branching out and exploring his passions,” said President Bradley on the topic. “I know it’s hard to live in the shadow of your super-amazing, multitalented and uber-cool wife who also runs an entire college. Lately, his work involving the Vassar Urban Education Initiative has been taking a real toll on him. Sometimes, he’ll come home from work at 2 a.m., put his hands on the front door and just scream for a full five minutes. Like, full-on, Laura Palmer in the Black Lodge screaming. I mean, I think it sounds lovely, but clearly, there’s something going on underneath the surface. The John-day email is the perfect way for him to let off some steam. As long as, of course, it doesn’t become more popular than the Sunday email.” PB then stared dramatically into the distance with a serious, stone-cold look as she gazed upon the vast, fog-covered Catskill Mountains. “But that would never happen.”
However, some students are less than enthusiastic about John’s new newsletter. The frisbee team that John captains, the Herniated Discs, is concerned about John’s new priorities going forward. “DOOD!” exclaimed Pluto P. Latter. “This janky email thang is turning me into an Infuriated Disc. John’s numero uno job should be taking the Discs to semi-regional finals. My buddy Eric was saying that I should just yoink it from him. Like straight-up mano-a-mano style.” Pluto then demonstrated a series of what appeared to be punches.
Nevertheless, the John-day email will be premiering later today or sometime this week or even this month. “My dudette, ya gotta keep ‘em guessin,” Bradley said on the matter. “John doesn’t work on a regular skedge, and neither does my tubular newsletter. Every day is John-day when you’re on Planet Z of Funness. Peace.”