Ninth-grader Bobby Jones addressed a crowd of his classmates outside of Lincoln High School in rural Pennsylvania, just hours after he was informed he had come in fourth place in the race for next year’s class president. The group of students consisted of nine freshmen who all stood holding “Stop The Steal” signs.
“We stand here today to decry the second-most rigged election in our nation’s history,” Jones declared. “In a moment, we’re going to march to the principal’s office, peacefully and patriotically. There is absolutely nothing that can stop us!” Jones proceeded to lead his followers toward the school’s front entrance, where they realized that the doors were locked.
Among the protesters was the self-proclaimed “Shaman,” a 14-year-old who wore a horned helmet and a fur hat, both of which kept falling off of his head. Jones’ vice president hopeful, Max Price, was also in attendance, as was Cody Carpenter, who would have served as Jones’ “Border Czar” had he been elected. At one point, Jones started a “hang VP Max Price” chant. Price looked on silently, confused as to how he got roped into this. The message was short-lived, though, as the crowd switched to chants urging the Trump administration to cut funding allocated to Lincoln High School as a consequence of this election.
Among Jones’ ambitious campaign promises was to build a wall around the school to “prevent the hordes of students invading the district through school choice” and to “end the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East on day one” of his presidency.
The race garnered national attention when billionaire Elon Musk donated $1 million dollars to Jones’ campaign, offering another million as the prize in a raffle for any student who voted in the election. At a press conference earlier this week, Musk called his actions “unprecedented but necessary,” citing Pennsylvania’s status as a swing state.
President Donald J. Trump followed up Musk’s endorsement with one of his own in a post on his social media website, Truth Social, writing: “In many situations, there are very fine people on both sides. However, this election is not one of them. Bobby’s opponent is a Soros-backed radical leftist. After a few years of Bobby, you will be tired of winning!”
Jones ended the night by live-streaming a video at 11 p.m. to his followers on Instagram. “To my loyal base: I know I’ve asked a lot of you recently. However, I have one final plea. I’m stranded at the high school. I need a ride home. My parents are out of town and I’m worried I’ll have to spend the night here.”