My friends and I are no strangers to the art of juice. At any given moment in our TH, our fridge will be stacked with nectars of your wildest imagination. I’m talking about Capri-Sun multipacks (with an emphasis on the undoubtedly best flavor, Pacific Cooler), Newman’s Own Orange Mango-Tango, apple cider and the occasional lychee-flavored soju. Every meal I partake in at Retreat? I see it as another opportunity to stock up on that sick, sick pineapple juice. Even the first meal that ever graced these carmine lips was the juice of my mother—her breast milk, of course.
The Deece has recently implemented a section on the menu simply titled “Cool Refreshers.” These various agua frescas can be found in big, beautiful drink dispensers near the utensils on the left side of Gordon Commons. Although many people would agree that all juice is good juice, I will have to break some hearts and say that the Deece juices have been hit or miss. I will now proceed to describe in detail the three most memorable Cool Refreshers I have drank, so you get what I mean:
April 9, Hibiscus Refresher: My friends and I sat down to eat dinner at the Deece, like we usually do once a month because everyone is always so fucking busy even though we live in the same house!?!? Chill, Nandini, chill. Anyway, as all of us were eating, my roommate and occasional friend Ian brought a bubbling, deep purple drink to the table. “Ian!” my comrade Xander exclaimed, “What is this beautiful, frothy ambrosia that you are currently drinking?” Ian chuckled. “Why, it’s a Hibiscus Refresher, of course!” We all immediately scrambled to pour refreshers of our own. Reader, this drink was a pulchritudinous concoction. It was a delicious potion that brought me back to my days of slaying dragons and rolling for initiative. The hibiscus flavor was strong and earthy, but not too sweet. My life has been changed.
April 19, Cucumber Mint-Infused Water: On the other side of the spectrum, we have this abomination. This wasted potential. Truly, the premature ejaculation of the Cool Refreshers. On this Saturday morning, I was taking my daily plate of breakfast watermelon to the third floor of the Deece when I heard an interesting sound. It was the sound of two Deece workers drinking cucumber mint-infused water and then proceeding to cough so hard with disgust that they started laughing. I was intrigued. Surely, after the amazing hibiscus experience I had 10 days earlier, this cucumber water couldn’t be so bad. Reader, I was wrong. The bitter taste of this juice would rival the darkest red wine. My eyes automatically emitted tears to combat the awful taste on my tongue. After drinking this brew, I immediately ran home and quit my job. I will never be taken advantage of again.
April 16, Ginger Mule: Right in the middle of these two polar opposite experiences is the Ginger Mule. You’re probably familiar with the alcoholic beverage called the Moscow Mule. This lovely Cool Refresher did not contain any booze, to my slight disappointment. However, I still enjoyed the pleasant and mellow ginger taste, even though I normally despise ginger. It paired well with my evening bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and I would definitely consume it again.
I hope you have enjoyed this Cool Refreshers reflection. Perhaps you found it both cool and refreshing. As I look towards future Deece menus, I find myself particularly excited to taste the “Sicilian-Inspired Prickly Pear Lemonade.” I didn’t even know Sicily had prickly pears, but that’s the kind of cultural immersion and wisdom you can receive at Vassar’s Gordon Commons. Conditions apply.