This past week has been the longest period of time that I have been on campus and not had any assignments. Also one of the most enjoyable. Coincidence?!!?!! #assignmentgate.
With all of this sudden freetime, I’ve been doing a lot of eclectic retirementesque things. Here are a few.
Got into Yahtzee (mobile)
If I’m in the retirement phase of my college, this is my retirement game. Some people play Mahjong, some people play Fortnite, I play Yahtzee mobile now. Don’t get it twisted, I think Yahtzee is a pretty trash game, but it’s a lot better on the phone and it’s nice to play with my one friend who is certified Yahtzee-pilled.
If I’m being fair, the 35-point bonus in Yahtzee is a pretty neat mechanic for making the player decide between scoring the top and bottom parts of their sheet, but other than that, the optimal way to win Yahtzee is to just get a Yahtzee (duh), which is what you are attempting to do 90 percent anyways of the time and failing most of the time. This is a sign to diversify your dice-centric board game library: “Liar’s Dice” and “Can’t Stop” are where it’s at, folks.
Went to Chili’s
A week ago today, I could say that I had never been to a Chili’s restaurant. I can no longer say those words. Chili’s is one of America’s classic chains, with a unique sprinkling of vaguely Mexican cuisine paired with American classics.
Let’s be real guys: the salsa is good and everything at Chili’s kind of bad. For a sit-down restaurant that expects you to tip, we’re all spending too much time and money at Chili’s.
Applied to jobs
Um, yeah, totally……
Checked up on my Instagram Follow Requests
Guys, the Instagram follow requests are just piling in this month from all the losers who apparently are going to miss me post-grad, but I will not be accepting any of them because I don’t like interacting with Instagram. That being said, I will be periodically admiring this list as some sort of metric of my immense popularity (68 requests and counting!).
Also, I might accept everybody when college ends because I’m going to miss everybody and I want to stalk them. Keep waiting, @carinaacole!
Rewatched the Lion King
I’ve worked with a lot of children from the ages of two to five (many born after the start of 2020) and the vast majority have seen the 1994 film, “The Lion King.” 21-year-old former Misc Editor-in-Chief Allen Hale, on the other hand, had not seen “The Lion King.”
In order to fix that glaring character flaw, we hatched a plan to watch it, and oh my god, I’ve been pretty negative on this? list (retirees be complaining), but I’ll admit it, “The Lion King” is an absolutely beautiful film. They painted the crap out of those backgrounds.
Played 1v1 Basketball
This is definitely the most spry of my retirement activities, but that’s because you know I love Basketball. Me and Allen “Missed out on ‘The Lion King for 21 years’” Hale have been playing in a fierce rivalry of 1v1 basketball with neither of us likely ever being drafted high on a pick-up team. Allen scores some baskets, and then I score some baskets and then Allen occasionally knocks off my glasses, which he calls “accidents” and I call ejectable offenses. It’s great.
College is nearly over now (sad!) and this is sort of a weird way to end things: playing Yahtzee, going to Chili’s and rewatching “The Lion King,” but that’s what retirement is, I guess. This is retirement one. Retirement two, see you in 45 years!