I discovered Ethel Cain during my junior year of high school. Cain is a character created by Hayden Silas Anhedönia, who also uses the moniker as her stage name. Her 2022 debut album, “Preacher’s Daughter,” remains without a doubt my favorite album of all time. I was immediately hooked by Cain’s intense vocals and the rich soundscapes she creates in every song. The Southern Gothic concept album depicts the tragic story of Ethel Cain, covering themes such as American idealism, religious trauma and the search for true love—and there is cannibalism. It is beautiful and heartbreaking, and I cannot recommend it enough if you have not already listened to it.
Then, last year, I found out that Anhedönia was releasing a new album. It was going to be a prequel, focused on Ethel’s cataclysmic relationship with Willoughby Tucker, the subject of “A House In Nebraska,” my favorite song off of “Preacher’s Daughter.” And she was going on tour.
Getting my hands on tickets became a matter of necessity.
Fast forward to September: “Willoughby Tucker, I’ll Always Love You” is out and changing lives everywhere. “Dust Bowl” and “Waco, Texas”—songs I had listened to as demos on YouTube and SoundCloud for years—got their official release and are even more incredible than I had imagined they could be. I could not believe that I would soon see them live.
Then, the day came. September 9th. My friend and I arrived in the city early—thanks to a last-minute sprint for the train—and managed to make it to Radio City Music Hall by 7:30 p.m. Unfortunately, the merch lines had already sprawled across the lobby, and by the time we found the end of a line—by crossing the lobby, going down a flight of stairs and crossing the lobby again—the only items left were $30 hats and sewing kits. This was not ideal, so we made the decision to jump ship and abandoned the line to find our seats.
The band 9Million opened for Cain, led by her long-time friend and collaborator Matthew Tomasi. I enjoyed their rock-heavy set, even if it was slightly overshadowed by anticipation of the main act. After their roughly half-hour set, we only had to wait a few more agonizing minutes before the first notes of “Willoughby’s Theme” rang out across the theater. The stage was coated in a fog that the lights painted a bright, toxic green. From this fog, Cain emerged.
Needless to say, it was an incredible night.
Cain delivered some amazing live vocals, and I am afraid I will never be able to listen to her music again without remembering just how good she sounded live. She was backlit for a lot of the show, and that, combined with the stage’s haziness, gave the entire performance an ethereal, dreamlike quality. It elevated her from the artist to the character of Ethel Cain.
Now, we need to talk about “Onanist.” Cain’s rapturous performance of the song stole the show for me, and I am still thinking about it days later. This is a song that needs to be played at maximum volume to be experienced as your eardrums are on the verge of bursting. Live, and coupled with a nightmarish vortex of flashing lights as the song reached its climax, I literally felt like I was ascending to some higher plane.
Another highlight was hearing “Waco, Texas” live. The music that Cain makes is filled with so much catharsis, and nowhere is that more visible than in this 15-minute journey of a song. The outro is the perfect mix of nostalgia, regret and hope for the future despite all the odds. It feels like looking back on how far you have come and being okay with it.
During the encore, I was thrilled that we got to hear “A House In Nebraska.” Do not get me wrong: Though I love “Thoroughfare,” this whole tour is about Willoughby, and it would be criminal to omit the song that started it all. The night ended with “American Teenager,” and you could feel the joy filling the theater. We applauded one final time and then promptly made a run for it before the mass exodus began.
Later, sitting on the dirty floor of Grand Central Station eating Shake Shack, my friend and I had no words to describe what we had experienced. Even as we sleepily returned to campus at 2 a.m., the exhilaration of the show was still coursing through our veins.