Aries
You know how people go Christmas caroling? You should go Halloween caroling tomorrow! Just stand outside of peoples houses and scream “HELP, PLEASE HELP, I’M BEING MURDERED FOR REAL!” It’ll add to the ambiance!
Taurus
There is no need to dress sexy tomorrow. Can’t a nurse just be a nurse? A teacher just a teacher? It’s time to take a stand! Go as a normal cop tomorrow, I’m sure it will be just as effective. Everyone knows Vassar students love having sex with cops.
Gemini
If you get super drunk in the tent on Saturday and have to pee, never fear! There’s a long forgotten Vassar tradition that you should totally bring back. Basically, you just pull your pants down, spin around really fast in a circle and start pissing! They call it a “Vassar Sprinkler.”
Cancer
Scrambling for a last minute costume? Look no further, my friend! All you have to do is eat this entire newspaper and maybe eat a couple more newspapers just to be safe. Then … wait! You were supposed to finish reading before you ate it.
Leo
WAIT! Don’t eat the paper! All the Cancers are screwed, but you can still do this epic last minute costume. Eat two to three newspapers, go to the hospital, run out with a gown on and an IV in. You’ll be the only person dressed as someone who went to the hospital for eating too much newspaper!
Virgo
You should camp out outside the tent tonight for a good spot in line on Saturday. There’s no other way! You might miss all the sweaty gyrating, bad moshing and gross sweat-induced humidity! YOU CAN’T LET THAT HAPPEN GUYS.
Libra
Eat all the Kit-Kats you can tonight. You never know what tomorrow will bring! Well… I do. But—no, I promised not to tell you. Just. Just enjoy the Kit-Kats while you can, kid… enjoy every. last. moment.
Scorpio
Have you ever seen a baby dressed like a pumpkin? I know you’re all depressed because your friends weren’t super responsive to your group Watergate costume idea. (Maybe if you let someone else be Bob Woodward?) Anyway, just look at a baby dressed as a pumpkin. Adorable.
Sagittarius
You need to stop dressing up in culturally appropriative costumes. Seriously dude. It’s not cool to pretend you’re someone whose parents used to keep 12 to 20 boiled eggs in the fridge for them to snack on. For some of us, that’s our real life.
Capricorn
Have you guys heard of the switch witch? I thought it was so cool when someone told me about her. I mean a witch whose whole job it is to convince your boyfriend to let you wear the firefighter outfit this time? Wait … switching out your candy? No … that can’t be right.
Aquarius
God, you guys also need a last minute costume idea? I already knocked it out of the park with that paper eating thing, but I guess I’ll try again. Maybe just walk around with some of those star-shaped pasties and assless chaps on? You can go as someone who forgot to do laundry!
Pisces
You might get a tummy ache if you eat too much candy tomorrow! Instead, you should do a ritualistic sacrifice of all the candy into Sunset Lake. Wear a robe, bring some candles, really get into it. Not the Almond Joys though. You can deliver those to TA 35.