Dear all,
So many things happening this week! What busy, busy bees we are. Bees in a hive, and I am the queen. Bow down, bees. Read my email and weep.
Update on October Break Tree Removal
As you may know, several diseased and non-diseased trees were cut down over October break. Many students were disheartened by this and held open dialogues in restorative circles of togetherness. We hear you, and we are planning on cutting down even more trees over Thanksgiving. The whole quad will look like an apocalyptic wasteland. Questions? Reach out to gofuckyourself@vassar.edu for more information.
VCDNOTC WINS!
This weekend, the Vassar College Drills, Nails and Other Tools Club (VCDNOTC) took home the win at the National Collegiate Drilling Competition finals. They drilled over 200holes in a mere 30 seconds to win the gold medal. VCDNOTC meets on Mondays and Wednesdays at 4:00 p.m. in the Noyes basement. Interested in joining? Reach out to Sparky Hammer at shammer@vassar.edu.
Spotlight on…the Deece
This week, the Deece will be serving Concept Concept at the Global Kitchen, inspired by. The dining team intends to highlight the cuisine of as well as the flavors from. Enjoy food at Global this week! Any questions? Reach out to the Vassar dining team.
Vassar Prowler – Any Information?
Several students have come forward with stories of a mysterious figure wearing a black cape sneaking around Vassar’s campus, especially near the South Commons. This person allegedly wears a cowl with little bat ears on it and has been following students home at night. Does Vassar have our very own Dark Knight, or is there a predator on the prowl? Please reach out to Campus Security with any information or new sightings.
Join Misc Humor!
The Miscellany News humor section is looking for more writers! Led by three beautiful, hilarious, kind, intelligent, stunning, contemplative, charming, witty, friendly, loving, gorgeous, hysterical editors, Misc humor is the place for any comical articles, cartoons or satire. When you write for Misc humor, your hair becomes shinier, your skin clears up, your grades improve, your crush smiles at you in the Deece and your Arlington bucks magically refill. Questions? Reach out to Josie Wenner at jwenner@vassar.edu.
Staying Off My Phone!
For the past few years, in an attempt to stay off my phone, I’ve offered $5 gift cards to the Crafted Kup to students who catch me walking and looking at my phone (which buys half of a small black coffee). However, I’m sick of this. From now on, whenever someone “catches” me using my phone, which is my God-given right as an American citizen, they will owe me a gift card. Pay up, bitches.
Where is John?
I let my husband John out for his nightly walk on Monday and I haven’t seen him since. Usually, he finds his way back after a day or two, but sometimes he gets distracted by his own reflection and tends to wander. He is wearing a nightgown and sleepy hat and carrying a candlestick. Please reach out to me if you find him, and tell him to pick up some milk on his way back.
Mystery Picture
Last Week: Last week’s mystery picture was a zoomed-in photograph of an obscure part of campus that only dweebs and losers would ever go to. The first person to get it right was Dorkus Malorkus. The second, third, fourth and fifth people to get it right were Charles Ladder, Port Starboard, Baby Dunce and Brohn Jadley, respectively. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
This week: Where is this?
Quote of the Week
“Yes, I did, yes, I did. Somebody please tell ‘em who the F I is.”
(Nicki Minaj)
Keep it real, bee-yotches,
President Bradley