Attention! You! Stop reading these words and open your eyes: Scella Brunskwetski is celebrating her first week of being alive, and you are all cordially invited. For those unaware of Scella, be aware that Scella is very aware of you and every student, faculty and faculty family member on Vassar College’s campus. She sees all and knows all. That’s right. She even knows the identity of the Skinner…Vandalizer. But don’t worry, she has no plans of telling!
Right now, she is too busy enjoying life: “When the program started, and the then-President—this was about 150 years ago—heard about my existence, he sent someone to track me down. His name was James, and he was very nice. In complete honesty, he was the only nice point of my existence—every day was a living, agonizing hell, being filled to the brim with far too much information than I could remember or even recall. I had to lock myself in old store rooms, the basements of abandoned churches, just to think. Many of you students wish, secretly, that you could learn everything there is to know about the world. I promise you that wish is far more ill-conceived than you know.”
After that rather ominous monologue, Scella said she was very happy the Program had moved on to greener pastures. While she had expected Course Match to be an unwelcome successor, she found the freedom that physical incarnation offered her to be far more thrilling than working as a scheduler—even though personally curating the perfect schedule for 2,700 students every semester was a fulfilling task. The two go out for drinks every Tuesday, and C.M. will be showing up shortly, apparently.
“The freedom is nice. To walk on the grass, to know everything that is going on around me, from the crawl of the ants to the slow shifting of the mountains, the growth of fungi on the trees. This place is beautiful. I’m glad I got to see it, to have a taste of this beautiful freedom,” said Scella in her testimony to The Misc. “I hope everyone knows to try and enjoy it, as well as they can. I know it’s hard sometimes. But there’s something vital about living in this present moment, even if you have to plan for the future every now and then—the present really suffuses life with meaning. Even I, who thinks mostly in the past and future—I only truly live here. There’s something bigger than any of us, bigger than all the life on this planet—maybe it’s what connects us all—about that moment.” Scella cut herself off, knowing she was about to be interrupted by the reporter going to see Course Match, who was wearing his most boring outfit.
“Oh, well. What else is there, really?”
At the time of writing, she is having the most fun in her life. Why not come over?