On Thursday, Dec. 4, The Miscellany News published a report detailing Vassar College’s plan to redevelop 2.24 acres of downtown Arlington. The administration alleges that a significant number of students chose not to attend Vassar because of the current state of downtown Arlington. An unnamed source tells us another factor is at play: “Conservative applicants simply don’t want to attend Vassar because of the progressive atmosphere,” they told The Misc. “We’ve proposed creating a welcoming environment for them, including ICE detention facilities, Tesla dealerships, animal slaughterhouses and firearm manufacturing factories.” Administrators are also in talks with a Saudi Arabian contractor over the feasibility of setting up an oil refinery at the Preserve.
The redevelopment plan as a whole has sparked outrage across campus. A large concern outlined in the report is the plight of tenants living in soon-to-be-destroyed apartments, as affordable housing is sparse in the area. The Vice President of Facilities brushed off this concern. “Evicted families can live in tents on the Nircle,” he said. When told by a reporter that this offer sounded ridiculous and unsafe, the Vice President said that evictees could instead sleep on the lawn in front of the library. “This gives community members a place to live and, most importantly, makes it difficult for future encampments to happen in that area.”
While Vassar will be building affordable housing complexes, administrators expect the selection process to be competitive. “Propsective tenants will have to submit multiple essays and may choose to submit test scores. Roughly 15 to 20 percent of applicants will be admitted,” the Director of Admissions continued, “and it will be slightly higher for those who apply early decision.”
Affected residents have demanded Vassar guarantee them access to the affordable housing units that will be built. The two parties are currently in negotiations. Vassar’s sole proposal is to issue a statement honoring all of the people negatively affected by the redevelopment in a 30 second acknowledgement every semester.
A.J. Sawyer, the president of the housing development team working with Vassar, did seem to show remorse. “I wish the world wasn’t so brutal,” he said. “It’s devastating that our only option is to evict businesses with two days’ notice and send dozens of families onto the streets.”
The report names the existing Juliet Building as one of the only structures that may remain. “At Vassar, we believe in fostering learning across every facet of campus,” President Bradley said. “That’s why we’ll be naming one of the new complexes Romeo. Together, the Romeo and Juliet buildings will symbolize the unfortunate recent tragedies which have occurred here.” When asked to confirm that she was referring to the negative consequences of the planned project, President Bradley clarified that she was instead referring to the 2025 College Board rankings, in which Vassar’s ranking dropped from last year.
Critics have classified the redevelopment as a long-term cash move by an institution already worth over a billion dollars. Vassar spokesman John Macey rejected the idea of Vassar’s riches, explaining in an interview yesterday, “Defending ourselves in court against gender pay gap lawsuits is extremely expensive.”
Vassar has evidently received enough backlash over the recent course of events to announce a gracious offer. Macey shared the College’s change of heart in an email to the student body last night: “It’s time to finally put our money where our mouth is. We are proud to announce that we will award any evicted person 20 Brewer Bucks, redeemable only at Tesla.”