Vassar’s very own Office of (Inter)national Programs is excited to launch a brand-new cross-cultural immersion program in partnership with Wesleyan University. Vassar is known for its comprehensive, full-life approach to engaged global citizenship, which is why students will be offered a chance to immerse themselves in a new way of life at Vassar-Wesleyan Marist.
Starting in the Fall of 2026, Vassar-Wesleyan Marist (VWM) will give students the opportunity to further their education at a location that has been described as “a little bit closer to the Hudson” and “across the street from that strip mall.” Marist University’s signature educational approach emphasizes experiential learning to enrich classroom instruction. Admin loved that Marist uses big words just like us; Dean Luis even rubbed his feet together like a little cricket, overjoyed by the use of the term “experiential.” Chirp, little cricket, and be merry.
The College wants to be transparent about the fact that this kind of immersion won’t be without its own cultural shocks. Students who wish to study at Vassar-Wesleyan Marist should anticipate certain differences in the Marist lifestyle; for instance, they have boys there.
In an interview with Assistant Dean for Global Partnerships and International Programs Kerry Zuccaro, students asked literally why in the world someone would study abroad at Marist. Complaints included: “It’s right there.” But, while Vassar-Wesleyan Paris might be able to offer students sights such as the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe, Assistant Dean Zuccaro shared with us the crown jewels of Vassar-Wesleyan Marist, including really big gray building, your Tinder match from freshman year and frat houses, which are apparently where they keep the boys. Also, again, Marist is a little bit closer to the Hudson. If you went to Paris, you’d be so far away from the Hudson. Assistant Dean Zuccaro isn’t even sure how one could get to the Hudson from Paris, noting that 3,600 miles “seems too far to drive.”
Prospective VWM students should also know that, while Vassar is a college, Marist recently became a university due to an allegedly unanimous vote by its Board of Trustees. However, many suspect that this was achieved under immense pressure from Marist President Kevin Weinman. Standing at a whopping 4’11”, President Weinman has been known to, in his own words, “air a bitch out like a queef” to compensate for his delicate and vulnerable body.
We’re not sure how this partnership will affect Vassar’s current collegiate status. In a contemplative conversation with President Bradley, Marist President Kevin Weinman reportedly asked, “how u hating from outside tha club.” The Marist student population remains unsure how President Weinman keeps coming up with these clapbacks, calling his habit “unsettling if you don’t know Chris Brown like that.”
Well, screw you, Kevin Weinman. Vassar students can go to a big scary school with boys, too. Administrators agree that it’s about time for Vassar to offer a study abroad program that is a little more intracontinental. Dean Luis ate this right up. The sheer number of letters in this word (16) put a definitive spring in his step. Go, little cricket, go.
Students looking to study abroad next fall are encouraged to turn their gaze a little closer to home. Expand your intellectual horizons right here in “the Paris of Dutchess County”: Poughkeepsie, New York.
All kidding aside I never set foot on the Marist campus when I attended Vassar. AAVC might want to consider a Marist tour for alums.