Aries
Go pee in a bush
Or not, could pee on a shrub
Pee on greenery
Taurus
You are crazy girl
Don’t be so crazy this week
Drink more cups of tea
Gemini
Don’t cry this week, k?
You are an ugly crier
Or so people say
Cancer
Horoscopes are hard
The stars, my fickle mistress
Cancers might be fucked
Leo
Online gambling
Have much fun, lose all money
One of god’s small tests
Virgo
Don’t skip class this week
Or do skip class this week, fine
I’m not your mommy!
Libra
Libra, libra, ah!
You should chant things more this week
Libra, libra, ah!
Scorpio
This week? Go on walks.
Exercise and have much fun
DON’T FORGET CROSSWALK
Sagittarius
Sagittarius
So many syllables, huh?
Attention seeking
Capricorn
Your week will be rice
Plain, yummy, best with a sauce
Find your sauce this week
Aquarius
Take up a hobby
Collecting petrified goop?
Or geocaching
Pisces
penis Vagina
The world always says sex sells
genitalia