On Thursday, April 23, at 3:01 p.m., an ear-shattering noise erupted throughout Vassar College. Following rigorous inspections of the campus by first responders and a bomb squad, the deafening roar was determined to have come from hundreds of students, who, as they realized the Vassar Table had concluded, simultaneously screamed in despair.
The Vassar Table was an event where students ate lunch together at a V-shaped table that stretched across the Nircle. Even Vassar’s administration, who filmed several parts of the event and posted them to their social media afterwards, was surprised by how the event resonated with the student body. Though it was originally sponsored by the President’s Office, the allocated budget went unused after students demanded the Vassar Table be held in their name—and covered by a raise in tuition next year.
The Deece and The Retreat, the campus’ two main dining locations, were closed to accommodate the event’s required staffing. The picnic-style food that was served may have looked ordinary, but it was anything but that. “This is so much better than the food at my college,” said John Miller, a student who came to eat lunch at Vassar before driving back to the Culinary Institute of America. On Friday, Malcolm Gladwell published a statement announcing a reversal of his long-held philosophy: “It’s time to send your kids to Bowdoin.”
The Miscellany News spoke to students to gauge their reactions to the event. “My screen time over the last week has increased by hours,” said one student, Sarah Reynolds ’29. “I know I should study, hang out with my friends and eat at the Deece. But all I can find myself doing is watching the video of the table from Vassar’s Instagram on repeat. Life after the greatest day of my life is dull.”
“My parents, spending their life savings on my education, preached that I mustn’t have too much fun at Vassar,” Mary Johnson ’26 said. “I’ve always had the discipline to follow their order, skipping sports games and parties.” The student continued, as a tear began to roll down their cheek, “That discipline ended on Thursday with the Vassar Table. Mom, Dad, I’m so sorry.”
At press time, Vassar’s administration announced that while it would be logistically impossible to continually fund the Vassar Table, it would do everything in its power to respond to the influx of students’ demands to “replicate that magical day.” Going forward, The Deece and The Retreat will be closed seven days a week for lunch.