Local girl wins small but consequential insect battle
Okay, now that it’s the end of the year and I am set to go abroad in the fall, I think it’s time to tell you all the full story…
Izzy Migani
Police confess perpetrators in egg attacks still at large
More than 100 stealth egg attacks baffle Vassar students and police. Poughkeepsie, New York—A 19-year-old anonymous Vassar student’s room in Main has become the target of mysterious egging attacks that…
College student tropes revealed: Which one are you?
In the wake of admitted students weekend, I’ve noticed a few things. Over and over again, there’s the repetition of popular tropes by these new and tragically bright-eyed recruits, and…
Harry Potter fanfic author avoids spies while Draco dies
For those of you who are not aware, I used to be an avid fanfiction writer. Those days are long gone, yet I look back on them with slightly disgusted…
Paris Hilton experiences life as Shakespeare character
Have you ever wondered if an iconic figure such as Paris Hilton could transcend the test of time? Well, now you don’t have to, because I asked the dangerous question…
D.C. trip results in horrific New Jersey turnpike experience
Most people go somewhere tropical or exotic for spring break—and then there’s me. I had my Washington, D.C. virginity taken by visiting our proud capital for the literal first time…
Deece booth hermit survives despite horrible selfie light
It took several rounds of explanation and several cups of suspiciously watery tea before my friends understood what I was doing at the Deece. “You’re trying to tell us,” they…
Epic poem consisting of epic(?) Donald Trump Tweets
They should not have taken large amounts of money from a Crooked Hillary source When Clinton was under investigation by the FBI I never called his wife a loser to…
Gale-force wind batters student as she crosses river to Deece haven
“You might want to get your wits about you!” My roommate flung the dorm door wide open. “There’s a frightful storm, and I fear that Lathrop might flood, so…” He…
Faux gamer girl discloses secret steps for securing your own lady lover
Hey, guys! It’s me, your favorite Tik Tok star wannabe and faux gamer girl. I was browsing Quora and Wikihow the other day for strictly academic reasons when I stumbled…