Horoscopes
Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces This is a week of healing. Sometimes you need to heal from things. Like writing horoscopes, for example.…
Madi Donat
Ranking all of the Deece teas becomes a harrowing journey
Additional reporting by Karin Alsop and Susanna Shull Dear friends, I come to you live from the other side of Hell. Today, I bring to you the story of…
Horoscopes
Aries Names make things harder to lose and easier to remember. Naming electronics and things dear to you might be nice, but those are rookie moves. This week, name everything,…
Ranking all of the classroom buildings, part 2: The unsavory ones
And so I return. You of course by now have likely figured out the contents of this list, but what matters now is the order. Perhaps your building will be…
Horoscopes
Aries This week, thoughts rattle around your head like they are beads and your head is a maraca. There are lots of benefits to this: Firstly, you get to make…
Ranking of all of the classroom buildings: Part 1
I never rest. I rank things in my sleep. I am plagued with visions of Clickhole and Buzzfeed, listicle fairies dancing around my head incessantly. There is no cure, except…
Horoscopes
Aries New beginnings are always hard. Sometimes you just need to listen to some weird music to clean out your brain. Put on some beeps and boops by a German…
Ranking the non-dorm houses: You thought you were safe!
It seems we have once again reached that time where I must impart my expert, unbiased, completely correct opinion onto you all. It has occurred to me in the…
All nine dorms, ranked: The official, unobjectionable listicle
Correction: In the first print of this piece, it was stated that Strong House does not house men. Strong House does house some men. As I make the great leap…
Horoscopes: May 20
Aries Now is the season of endings and beginnings. Remember: When one door closes, another opens. Or maybe when one door closes, it’s because the Universe wants you to sit…