Horoscopes: April 30
Aries Say what’s on your mind while it still feels raw and natural. Resist the urge to shrug your shoulders, to contort yourself into a lie, because since when have…
Madi Donat
Horoscopes: April 23
This week’s horoscopes inspired by Co-Star’s terrifying notifications. Aries It’s okay to not always do what is asked of you. / Ask yourself what your weaknesses are, and how they…
Horoscopes: April 16
Aries If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple. And if you were an object that is currently abandoned in my dorm, you’d be my string lights that don’t…
Horoscopes: April 9
Aries Being inside can give you the blues. Go online shopping and buy some new shoes. Your birthday is marked by a social distance, so solving your problems by spending…
Horoscopes: April 2
You won’t have much time this week, so here’s a song rec to lift your spirits! Try “Half Love” by Red Hearse: It’s upbeat and energetic, and full of passion––just…
Horoscopes: March 26
Don’t be surprised if you feel a little extra impulsive this week. Confess your feelings, or air a grievance, or cut your bangs. Just kidding. I know you’ve already cut…
Horoscopes: February 27
Now is the time I finally let you know my own sign: I’m a Cancer! Apparently Cancers and Aries are super incompatible (which is tbh very false but that’s what…
Horoscopes: February 20
I make fun of Sagittarians further down by saying they aren’t as good as you, so my advice to you is to beware of angry Sagittarians. You’re better than them,…
(W)HOR(E)OSCOPES
Both Mars and the moon are giving you lots of confidence this week, so use it wisely. Maybe ask someone out or look for a job. Try shoplifting! (WE DO…
Horoscopes: Feb. 6
Relish in your individuality as we approach a full-moon. There’s no curbing your power! Make up your own language and shout it at people; whoever stays is a true friend.…