The Shower Singer
A girl by the name of Lynn Squeak Uttered sweet-sounding trills from her beak. But what a curious thing! When the loud water waned, You’d only hear hideous shrieks! …
Humor & Satire
10 things about Vassar that ~just make sense~
Have you ever thought, “Why is this the way that it is?” And then you remember, “Oh, right. I’m at Vassar College, a highly-selective, coeducational liberal arts school in the…
Springing into warm weather: How to sweat your way through May
It would have been a few months ago now that I saw something incredible. The clouds parted, and then there was this sort of whitish disc in the sky, kind…
The nature report: Doing ’shrooms on the Farm
This past week, I finally took the initiative to engage with the pluralism of mushrooms happening at the Farm Ecological Preserve. Fungal friend Miles gave me a walking tour of…
Horoscopes: April 28
Aries Some weeks you just check out. Some weeks you show up 15 minutes late to your independent study with a coffee in hand (not like I’m drawing from personal…
Magic Mike 3 to star Alison DiLaurentis
Despite her clear aversion to attention of any kind, Alison DiLaurentis ’23 has been identified as “a diamond in the rough” by Warner Bros. executive Cann Fuckoff, the first female…
Pitching theoretical terms for the group of athletes who yelled “take off that mask” at me as I walked to the Deece in what was not quite a catcall but was perhaps a maskcall
Maskhole Toxic maskulinity Expired maskara The unmasked singer Emaskulated manchild
Horoscopes: April 20
The stars have told me that this week, you’ll open PB’s Sunday email fast enough to be the first to identify the Mystery Picture. The week after, when she…
The Great Cherry Blossom Watch
I’ll admit it: The cherry blossoms blindsided me. I knew one of these days they would show up, but not when or where or how or why. One day, they…
Amtrak experience sends train connoisseur off the rails
This weekend found me traveling on Amtrak once again. Something keeps me coming back to America’s favorite (and perpetually slowest) railway company, whether it’s the cushy but slightly stained seats,…