Students express outrage over an attack on Vassar’s most beloved tree
On Friday evening, I was saddened to learn some unfortunate news about a certain weeping willow located between Chicago Hall and Raymond House. It was the sort of news that…
Humor & Satire
Ranking of all of the classroom buildings: Part 1
I never rest. I rank things in my sleep. I am plagued with visions of Clickhole and Buzzfeed, listicle fairies dancing around my head incessantly. There is no cure, except…
The intense and harrowing study abroad scramble
Have you ever wondered whether you could abandon the daily Vassar grind, just chuck it all out and start again in some faraway land? Have you ever wanted to try…
A Funeral Toll
Across the world hear peal of mourning bells For our belovèd queen has last been felled. Our sex tree! Grief for Vassar’s majesty, Adored by all the classes ever known,…
An Oversized Menace
There once was a girl from De Bilt Who exclusively traveled by stilt; She’d stride way up high And stomp passersby Then chortle with no trace of guilt. –…
Horoscopes
Aries New beginnings are always hard. Sometimes you just need to listen to some weird music to clean out your brain. Put on some beeps and boops by a German…
Ranking the non-dorm houses: You thought you were safe!
It seems we have once again reached that time where I must impart my expert, unbiased, completely correct opinion onto you all. It has occurred to me in the…
The perils of showering to someone’s bad music are too real
You enter the bathroom at 1:13 a.m. on a Tuesday night (Wednesday morning?). You’d rather not be up at such a late time this early in the week, but at…
Eggs
The soon-to-be-scrambled raw eggs Ran off on their newly grown legs. – Anna Kozloski
All nine dorms, ranked: The official, unobjectionable listicle
Correction: In the first print of this piece, it was stated that Strong House does not house men. Strong House does house some men. As I make the great leap…