SERVILE SUBVERSION
An exceedingly menacing maid Loved to creep through the halls in the shade. Whispering oaths no one knows, She’d leap about on her toes And take jabs at the air…
Humor & Satire
Horoscopes
Aries Getting wasted and feeling like death the next morning is OUT; refined, classy parties are IN! Next time you want to have a gathering, why not impress with some…
Princely Perils
The shrieks of one puny Prince Gibb Roused a nurse to inspect the babe’s crib. Her findings were shocking— A cradle still rocking A singular, semi-mauled rib. – Anna…
No one is really that cool, therefore everyone is
It is no surprise that every college student deals with some sort of insecurity as they enter the early years of adulthood. In your first year, when you are fresh…
Thesis writing for the intellectually inadequate
Are you a starry-eyed freshperson? Are you overwhelmed with the possibilities of your Vassar career, at the thought of eating Deece food for three more years and sleeping in the…
President Bradley to debut new ‘endless’ Sunday email
Inspired by the “infinite scroll” algorithms of social media sites like TikTok, Instagram and Facebook, President of the College Elizabeth Bradley announced plans on Tuesday to release a new “endless”…
(W)Hor(e)oscopes
(Check your Sun and Venus signs, if you’re into that sorta thing) Aries Luck in love will soon come your way! Your intensity drives away those who can’t hack it,…
Valentine’s Day headlines from another publication
Date who says they’re “down for anything” is clearly biased towards one hyper-specific option These two people would each clearly rather be at home, in their underwear, watching YouTube…
How to not buy a car: Writer provides foolproof guide
At the ripe old age of 21, I can say for sure that I have made my fair share of bad decisions. Nothing so far has been irreversible, but some…