
Cow bones taste really good if you cover them in sugar and don’t have a strong moral compass
10 a.m.: I wake up, filled with both vim and vigor and also an irrepressible desire to eat my body weight in gummy worms, an urge that I have been…
10 a.m.: I wake up, filled with both vim and vigor and also an irrepressible desire to eat my body weight in gummy worms, an urge that I have been…
5:55 a.m.: My flight from Portland lands in Newark. I inexplicably got upgraded to first class, where they served me wine in a plastic cup before the plebs in...
To my fellow Vassar elite? Vassholes? Vass-classmates? Vassaridianites? To whatever it is we pretentiously call ourselves: Hi. In case you didn’t know, classes are almost over. We’ve reached the point…
As evidenced by the masses at the Deece rocking leggings as pants on Sunday evening, Turkey-Week (or, let’s be honest, half-week) may have rounded up the Freshmen fifteen to the…
Three of my housemates are in long-distance relationships. This column is for them. I have done two separate stints of distance and still have not recovered. This column is for…
It’s football season. More specifically, it continues to be football season, since it’s been going on for months now. This is the only time of the year when I am…
Having been one half of an extremely low-key and exceptionally hip couple for approximately (rounded up) thirty seconds, I believe I am pretty much an expert on how to distinguish…
When I was in third or fourth grade and still believed the world was a happy place, I begged my mother to teach me what every young lad wants to…
Monday, 3:00 a.m.: I realize that watching Carrie today was probably a bad idea, because I can’t close my eyes without thinking about crazy, crazy Julianne Moore and the headmaster…
I love stealing. It’s probably my favorite thing, ever. Except for maybe caramel apples and rousing matches of Scrabble. I’m here to make sure you don’t go down the same…