Cow bones taste really good if you cover them in sugar and don’t have a strong moral compass
10 a.m.: I wake up, filled with both vim and vigor and also an irrepressible desire to eat my body weight in gummy worms, an urge that I have been…
Humor & Satire
Traveling becomes instantly less fun when I punch you in the face (sorry, guy on crutches)
5:55 a.m.: My flight from Portland lands in Newark. I inexplicably got upgraded to first class, where they served me wine in a plastic cup before the plebs in...
My name is not Tabitha: The Misc’s guide to transparency
To my fellow Vassar elite? Vassholes? Vass-classmates? Vassaridianites? To whatever it is we pretentiously call ourselves: Hi. In case you didn’t know, classes are almost over. We’ve reached the point…
Ask Lily: Canadian Lovers and weird amounts of turkey
As evidenced by the masses at the Deece rocking leggings as pants on Sunday evening, Turkey-Week (or, let’s be honest, half-week) may have rounded up the Freshmen fifteen to the…
I am trapped in a dark pit of despair and loneliness (ha, ha)
Three of my housemates are in long-distance relationships. This column is for them. I have done two separate stints of distance and still have not recovered. This column is for…
If you’ve never had an emotional breakdown over sports, you are missing out
It’s football season. More specifically, it continues to be football season, since it’s been going on for months now. This is the only time of the year when I am…
PSA on PDA: 14 steps to avoid being ‘that couple’
Having been one half of an extremely low-key and exceptionally hip couple for approximately (rounded up) thirty seconds, I believe I am pretty much an expert on how to distinguish…
College removes once cherished desire to actually fold laundry
When I was in third or fourth grade and still believed the world was a happy place, I begged my mother to teach me what every young lad wants to…
Sometimes I forget to shower, and other confessions
Monday, 3:00 a.m.: I realize that watching Carrie today was probably a bad idea, because I can’t close my eyes without thinking about crazy, crazy Julianne Moore and the headmaster…
Stealing is almost as addicting as eating Oreos but don’t do it
I love stealing. It’s probably my favorite thing, ever. Except for maybe caramel apples and rousing matches of Scrabble. I’m here to make sure you don’t go down the same…