Land the job as a thumb-sucking dolt!
It’s job hunting season once again, and that can only mean one thing: Most of the senior class now has to find gainful employment out in the mysterious, confusing, utterly…
Humor & Satire
Carpe DM: Top dating tips for single fish
It’s springtime again, and love is in the air. And the water. That’s why we at The Miscellany News consulted all the relevant experts and collected five of the hottest…
The Love Queen on getting next-level gains
I’ve decided it’s time for me to go get that gym bod I’ve always wanted. The only problem is… I don’t know how to work out, and every time I…
Vassar to be BLASTED INTO SMITHEREENS at exactly 1:30 p.m. EDT, Dean Jaeger announces via email
In a recent all-campus email, Grounds Manager Dean Jaeger made an announcement stating: “Vassar College will be absolutely obliterated via The Blast on April 1 at exactly 1:30 p.m.” This…
הורוסקופס
Aries Älä anna ajan karkaa sinusta tällä viikolla. Ole ahkera. Älä jätä tehtäviä sivuun viime hetkellä. Sinun on hyvä kirjoittaa tehtävälista. Se tekee elämästäsi helpompaa. Taurus .-.. .. ..-. .…
FBI Deece pasta lies
On Friday, March 23, a team of federal agents was called into the Gordon Commons for what was referred to as an “egregious breach of contract and violation of trust”…
Pump it up! Functional condiment dispensers return
As Sam Cooke once said, “A change is gonna come,” and come it has. The famous hands-free machines featured in the Deece that often would fail at their simple job…
Pickleball becomes Vassar’s most popular and beloved sport
The ball sensation that’s sweeping the nation has finally swept Vassar’s campus. Of course, I’m talking about pickleball. If you don’t know what pickleball is, have you been living under…
Vassar to embrace Web 3.0, transition to crypto
Your college experience is about to get a lot more futuristic. On Monday, Feb. 27, Dean Gus D. Weebuloid—newly-hired chair of Vassar Advanced Payments and Educational Reorientation Services(VAPERS)—announced that Vassar…