Between recent revelations about the website’s role in the 2016 election and general waning popularity among the youth, it’s no surprise that fewer and fewer people you know post on Facebook. Most people report being closely acquainted or even good friends with a few people who openly eschew Facebook, and exactly one person who rails against its evils given the chance. Today, that friend, sophomore Maya Fram, posted on Facebook. The Misc would like to announce that she would really appreciate it if you’d like her post.
Junior Hayden Joseph alerted the Misc to the post, reporting that Fram was immensely proud.
“Maya posted this whole diatribe on Facebook today, you better go like it. She’s been telling everyone she posted it and asking if they’d read it and about their opinions on it. It’s a good 2,000 words, I barely made it through the post before psych.” said Joseph.
One of Fram’s classmates, Ada Hernandez, described the content of the post.
“The first sentence is, ‘I don’t usually do this kind of thing, but this has been really bugging me lately.’ From there, I’m not sure how to describe it; it goes in a few different directions. It’s pretty vague, too. I think most of it is probably about climate change, but it could also be about the bathrooms on the second floor of Joss. She ends it with ‘#MeToo,’ but none of it seems to be about sexual assault, and the link she posted below it was a Go-FundMe for a short animated film that looks like a SpongeBob rip-off. You’d better at least skim it before you bump into her. She’ll try to make you read it off her phone if you can’t remember at least one of the ten facts she included about the geology of Eastern Europe,” said Hernandez.
Joseph, returning from psych class, bumped into Fram for a second time.
“She talked to me for 15 minutes about how important social networking is for community organizing and self-expression. Now I’m late for sociology. She’s by the Retreat, so I’d just try to avoid Main entirely if you can,” said Joseph.
The Misc is pretty sure that if you walk all the way to Chicago, stick as close as you can to the front of the library, head out of Main Gate and walk all the way past Skinner through the Shakespeare Garden, you should be able to avoid her and still make it to your 1:30 p.m. in New England, but you have to leave now because it’s a long walk, and there’s no way of knowing where she’ll strike next.
“She’s moved to the Deece,” Hernandez tweeted. “She’s standing on the salad bar reciting her post from memory.”
Copies of what Fram refers to as her “manifesto” litter the paths from Kenyon to the Bridge. Students have been slipping on the pages. While it remains unclear how Fram has enough VCash to pay for all the copies, they continue to flood the campus. Operations staff have been shoveling the printouts to make the sidewalks accessible. The Misc believes the road behind Baldwin remains relatively clear of papers up until Sunset Lake. If you need to get to New England, that may be the clearest way at this point, but hordes of students have been spotted fleeing campus in order to avoid reading Fram’s post. It’s pretty crowded. You could forge your own path through the naturalized area between Baldwin and the Old Observatory, but you’d have to get pretty close to Main again, and word is that Fram has been kicked out of the Deece for not swiping her VCard properly. It might be best to just stay indoors. Maybe consider cowering under your bed for the next few hours.
Or seconds. A response by Fram to a tweet from Hernandez reads, “Lol what post? I was just kidding XD.” Other sources say that Fram is back to telling people she’ll probably delete her Facebook page this week.
Photo caption: With a mischievous glint in her eye, sophomore Maya Fram was seen distributing copies of her Facebook manifesto with no regard for the wellbeing of students around her. Operations staff has been working tirelessly all day in an attempt to clean up the public safety hazard. Students have been advised to stay in their rooms until further notice.