Let roast fest begin: Izzy can be stopped by your words

Izzy goes up in flames as random Internet users post their roasts. I often like to roast people, but normally I’m too lazy. Instead, I like roasted chicken and roast beef. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons and Pixabay.

Izzy_migani started a thread on DeYcember 1st:

You know how at the end of the semester professors hand out feedback forms that you use to evaluate their teaching over the course of the class? You know how that feedback form can help to determine whether or not they get to keep their position at the college? I propose an idea: the readers of my articles (all two of you, you know who you are) fill out feedback forms on… me. Help determine if I get MY tenure here. For convenience purposes, I will even take electronic submissions here! Roast me through pen and paper AND the Internet if one so chooses! Roast me multiple times if you’re feeling particularly gung-ho! Up to three submissions per person! Flame me within an inch of my existence! If you need some guidelines, examples of possible submissions are attached. Happy criticizing!

SM123 posted on December 3rd:

Who is this “you” you refer to almost every time? Me? Yourself? Someone else? Are you just screaming into the void? Or is every article just you talking to yourself? In that case, sad.

SM123 updated on December 3rd:

Also, your writing style is akin to that of the top contributor to a Yahoo Answers question. Am not really sure if that is good or bad. Do with that information what you will.

SM123 updated on December 3rd:

Your poems sounded like you had just read 10 hours worth of Rupi Kaur and then to make it edgy you added weird niche humor. Stop trying to be cool.

SM123 updated on December 3rd:

Mom and Dad told me to tell you they say hi.

SM123 updated on December 3rd:

Stop deleting my comments. You suck.

GM123 replied to SM123 on December 3rd:

I think she’s funny. Funny LOOKING.

HarryStylesfanxx posted on December 3rd:

Why does every article read like it was written at 3 a.m.?

User42069 posted on December 2nd:

You ask so many questions. Who ARE you talking to? Do you want answers? Are you just confused? Why do you like listing things so much? Why do you ask so many questions in a row? Was not one but TWO issues of your Skrillex fanfiction really necessary? Did the people of this great Vassar campus need to know all about the weird crush you had on a 26-year-old man?

xxDin0s4ur_r4wrxx posted on December 2nd:

Hi. Where can we post the results of the emo questionnaire? Asking for a friend.

CLICKxHERExTOxWINxANxIPHONEx10x posted on December 2nd:

CLICK HERE TO WIN A FREE IPHONE 10. 20 WINNERS IN THE PAST HOUR. CLICK HERE TO WIN A FREE IPHONE 10.

Bee_Movie_Hater posted on December 2nd:

Lost respect for you after the Bee Movie joke. Really? A Bee Movie joke in 2018? Who let you do that? C’mon man, all I’m asking for is for a little original humor.

Anon665 posted on December 1st:

What did you just type about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at MIT, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids with Anonymous, and I have over 300 confirmed DDoSes. I am trained in online trolling, and I’m the top hacker in the entire world. You are nothing to me but just another virus host. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on the Internet, mark my words. You think you can get away with typing that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fool. As we chat over IRC I am tracing your IP with my damn bare hands so you better prepare for the storm, wench. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your computer. You’re dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hack into your files in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in hacking, but I also have access to the entire arsenal of every piece of malware ever created, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the world wide web, you little fool. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fingers. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit code all over you, and you will drown in it. You’re dead, kiddo.

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