Yo what’s up guyyyyyyyyyys. Nicky 2 Slices here back with another fooooooooood review. I usually don’t go to Wendy’s because they don’t inspire me as an artist, but a lot of people have been asking me to review the new Wendy’s Krusty Krab Krabby Patty. I wanna shout out JBradley1861 who has commented on every one of my reviews for the past month: “U GOTTA review the Wendy’s Krabby Patty brah. RN. Been a fan since ’21. Luv ya!” I gotchu JB. Before we jump into it, comment down below your favorite episode of Spongebob (Season one through four only!!!!!). Let’s gooooooooooo.
Saturday, 11:55 p.m. Alone in my TH craving a delectable treat, I opened the DoorDash app and ordered a small Wendy’s Krabby Patty Meal with the Pineapple Under the Sea Frosty instead of a drink, which, with a few fees tacked on and an average tip, was $20.79. Everytime I order anything from DoorDash it costs between $20 and $21. I don’t try to do that. Some bean counter at DoorDash just adds however many dollars to my order to make it that number knowing I’ll begrudgingly accept it. My order arrived at the door at 12:21 a.m. and I dug in. Here’s the good, the bad, the meh, my guys.
The Good: Pineapple Under the Sea Frosty
This is debatably one of the stars of the meal: Never in the Frosty’s 55 years of existence has there been a pineapple Frosty, and let me say: it did not disappoint. Pineapple was just the right flavor to switch up the Frosty, a fast-food dessert that I’ve always considered to be too simple. Give me a Dairy Queen blizzard or a McDonald’s Hot Fudge Sundae and I’m happier than a clam. The Frosty just doesn’t inspire me as an artist.
For it being Under-the-Sea-themed, I expected some sort of fishy taste to complicate the flavor profile, like Deece skate, but no such flavor was there. For what it was though, it was the best Frosty I’ve had in my entire life. I must admit that I DNF’d this part of the meal, but that’s because ice cream is a little too sugary for me and with it being 12:33 a.m., I didn’t want to be bouncing around the walls all night. With all the pineapple syrup pooling to the bottom, it was too much for my weak, weak heart.
The Bad: Pickles
This was a very pickley burger, worthy of Bubble Bass. For me, it was too many pickles. I worked at McDonald’s for a year and a half, and one thing they teach you early is that a customer should only get one pickle per slice of cheese. For example, the quarter pounder has two pickles, not because the burger is bigger, but because there’s two slices of cheese. There were at least five pickle slices on this burger and I had a few bites where the pickles were right on top of each other. I was appalled. At McDonalds, I was taught that pickles should never be touching. Pickles are friends, not lovers.
The Good: The Secret Sauce
Arguably the only special part keeping the Krabby Patty burger from being just a dumpy Dave’s Single, the sauce—though a thousand island-based sauce—had a unique zest to it and a touch of spice to differentiate it from your run-of-the-mill burger condiment.
The Meh: The burger meat
Wendy’s talks a big game about its square burgers, but it’s a jabroni gimmick that ruins the suspension of disbelief that this is a Krabby Patty, a burger that has never in its 25 years had square meat. Also, the burger patty wasn’t even that good. It’s on par with the floppy Whopper, but it’s far below the robust Quarter Pounder.
The Good: Lettuce
I love good lettuce, and Wendy’s provided me with tasty, crisp leaves. This makes sense because they do salads. In McDonald’s land, salads are a foreign concept. The best they can do is a burger with a bed of shredded lettuce instead of a bun. Salad-adjacent. Wendy’s has a weirdly deep menu for no particular reason. Who is ordering their baked potatoes? WHO ARE YOU.
The Meh: The fries
These had a very similar size, shape, and texture to Deece fries, which is, I’ll say it, meh. It didn’t help that I was eating them with Bullseye sauce from Retreat, making the parallels obvious. I made this observation to my housemate Vaughn and he was like, “No, you’re WRONG, these taste completely different, dumbass,” so maybe I’m wrong.
THE CONCLUSION
Considering all of the parts in this collab meal, it was pretty epic, guys. I’m gonna have to give the Wendy’s Krabby Patty five greasy napkins out of seven. I hope you guys liked the review. Comment down below who you would draft on an all-Spongebob football team. I’m taking Gary as my quarterback, don’t @ me.
mid review brah, bring back your Krogers frozen pizza vids, those were EPIC