Actual and imagined Yelp reviews of Vassar College
Actual Yelp reviews of Vassar College 5 Stars–A million people (4) thought Yelp was a place to write the entire story of their time at Vassar, which is great, but…
Humor & Satire
How to win at Halloweekend: The Miscellany News Guide
Guys, Cappy has declared it to be Halloweekend. This makes less than zero sense, given that Halloween is on a Thursday the week after, and I know for a fact…
Fall Break quest for “cool”: Great Cuts weirdly not the answer
Ever since I was a youngin’ I’ve always tried to keep my thumb on what the cool kids were up to (note: using “cool kids” was never one of those…
Misc reporter actually going to hunt you down if you don’t shut up in the library immediately
I’ve never written a hate letter before. A sensuous love letter, sure. A pseudo-sext post-Mug a lá Freshmen year. The occasional passive aggressive e-mail to “group project” members. But never…
Lack of yogurt in UpC considered by many a sign of the apocalypse
Hi, attention everyone, please stop your bickering over cultural appropriation and heteronormativity, Vassar is (maybe) shutting down. No, seriously. This is urgent. I have all the details and facts, and…
Lessons from my future self: past Chris knows nothing
If I were given the opportunity to reach back in time and strangle a younger, more naive version of myself, 19-year-old me would be gasping for air quicker than it…
Post-Grad opportunities for even the most un-hireable
You may think (based on my two previous Humor and Satire articles) that I am delving too deeply into the fearful depths of “sexual promiscuity” and “alcoholism.” Classic mix up,…
Paper ideas for the student who has nothing left to lose
I have spent my entire academic career trying to think of captivating titles for my papers. I have failed. I turned one in literally today (literally in the real sense…
Bad television is a relative term, OK?
There are many things I do that are just utterly unnecessary. For example, I buy all my music. I always match my outfit with my underwear. And, I still watch…
How to make an infectious disease vaguely enjoyable
I spent this past weekend suffering from the horrible malady of pink eye—the highly contagious and widely feared disease that infects those who are constantly surrounded by various unwashed surfaces…