If you’ve never had an emotional breakdown over sports, you are missing out
It’s football season. More specifically, it continues to be football season, since it’s been going on for months now. This is the only time of the year when I am…
Humor & Satire
PSA on PDA: 14 steps to avoid being ‘that couple’
Having been one half of an extremely low-key and exceptionally hip couple for approximately (rounded up) thirty seconds, I believe I am pretty much an expert on how to distinguish…
College removes once cherished desire to actually fold laundry
When I was in third or fourth grade and still believed the world was a happy place, I begged my mother to teach me what every young lad wants to…
Sometimes I forget to shower, and other confessions
Monday, 3:00 a.m.: I realize that watching Carrie today was probably a bad idea, because I can’t close my eyes without thinking about crazy, crazy Julianne Moore and the headmaster…
Stealing is almost as addicting as eating Oreos but don’t do it
I love stealing. It’s probably my favorite thing, ever. Except for maybe caramel apples and rousing matches of Scrabble. I’m here to make sure you don’t go down the same…
VC Reporter hypothetically “understands” relationships
In between not writing an important paper, spending time as Iggy Azalea minus the cool hair and personality...
If you don’t like mac and cheese you are probably an alien
I am a food snob. I don’t eat store-bought cookies; I’d only eat cake from a mix if you made it for me for my birthday but I’d be secretly…
Humor editor bets you are jealous that you didn’t document your entire Sunday too
Sunday, 3:00 a.m.: I do my best to scrub the sharpie-d tattoos off of my chest. I become extremely convinced that sharpie is some kind of magical ink that is…
Are you there God? It’s me, Lily, and I don’t understand how to put out a grease fire
I’ve never been much for keeping a journal, but it’s supposed to be good for your “mental health” and “self-awareness.”
Reporter should probably know when to keep things to himself
This is my first time writing for the humor section, and I’ve decided to use this opportunity as a safe space to get some things off my chest. As senior…