Writer wanders campus at night, chuckles about article ideas
Hey! Are you funny? Do you want to write for the humor section? You’re going to need ideas for articles weekly! As someone who has been through many trials and…
Humor & Satire
Deece-ent advice from some halfway Deece-ent, semi-qualified advice-givers
Dear Deece-ent, There is someone else at Vassar who has almost the exact same name as me, and I keep on getting their packages and emails. I’m getting tired of…
Attempt at news article devolves into humorous Bradley joke
Dear Readers, As a staff writer for the Misc Humor Section, I’ve spent the last year-and-a-half entertaining the Vassar campus with whimsical tales of far-away lands entirely of my own…
Horoscopes
Aries I sometimes feel awkward about initiating conversations with professors. If you feel the same, I suggest following in my footsteps. I purposefully fail the first test so the professor…
Stealthy student steals senior’s VCard, sneaking friend into feast
Finding the VCard of the tall, brown-haired senior Fred Lazarus could not have come at a better time for Trisha Marshall. She stumbled upon the ID near the mailroom and…
Top 10: Which personalities to avoid, which to manipulate into marriage
College. It’s a wild, lawless place. It’s a time when you find yourself. Work hard. Play hard. Get that degree. Make those thousands of dollars of tuition money worth it.…
Vassar College sends otherworldly news to admitted students
[TW: This article mentions suicidal ideation.] Hello, and congratulations from the current Vassar student body! We would like to once again welcome you to the Class of 2023! This is…
Horoscopes
Aries According to my mother, cacti are the sign that you are in a “weed clan.” If you want to show your clan affiliation I suggest wearing cactus necklaces like…
Beloved betta fish proves self as alpha thanks to doting mother
My friends will tell you that I suffer from a severe case of fear of missing out, or FOMO. Last week, as my friends fell victim to the Vassar Plague,…
Deprived of basic bread-warming skills, soon-to-be real adult gets burnt
I have a confession to make. It’s really bad. I can’t tell my family, my friends or anyone else. It haunts me constantly, following me around like a ghost. I can’t…