Speaking anonymously to The Miscellany News this week, a Vassar librarian revealed that they and all of their colleagues lost track of the Art Library in late 2018 and haven’t been able to find it since.
“Honestly? We don’t have a clue where it is,” an embarrassed librarian confessed. “We’re not even sure if it’s part of the normal Library or, like, its own separate thing.”
Allegedly, the trouble began around five years ago when the last librarian with knowledge of the Art Library’s location retired, leaving her colleagues in the lurch.
“If one of us needed to go there, we would always call her and ask her to remind us where it was, but when she retired, she stopped answering her phone,” the librarian complained. “One time, she did pick up, and when I asked where it was she told me to [EXPLETIVE] off and [EXPLETIVE] the [EXPLETIVE] Art Library up my [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE]. I haven’t tried calling her since.”
Now, when students ask where they can find the Art Library, the librarians have taken to evading the question entirely or offering cryptic responses like, “The Art Library is where the heart is,” or “52 degrees left and upside down to your north.” The anonymous librarian expressed pity for students seeking the Art Library, but claimed that the situation left them with no other option due to how awkward it would be to ask anyone where it is.
“I feel bad for the kids; I really do,” they said. “They just want to read about the Monte Lisa, or the Leaning Tower of Pitas, or whatever. I wish I could help them, but can you imagine how embarrassing it would be for me to admit the truth? I’d lose all my credibility! I could never show my face in the Deece again!
“Besides, when the librarians realized what had happened, we all signed a blood oath to not reveal the truth to anyone. That’s why I’m only telling you this off the record.
“This is off the record, right?
“Right?”