With less than a week remaining until the May 1 deadline for high school seniors to commit to a college, The Miscellany News understands that Vassar has, to date, forgotten to admit any students. One admissions officer, speaking on condition of anonymity, described waking up with the feeling that they had forgotten something important but couldn’t quite place what.
“At first I thought it was my keys, but then I realized that I couldn’t have forgotten my keys because I was still in bed. Then I thought I had left my daughter at soccer practice, which I had, but even after I went and rescued her, I still felt like something was missing. That was when it hit me.”
Several weeks earlier, the admissions officers had gathered to discuss applications as usual, but were quickly sidetracked by a YouTube video of an army of toads singing the Flintstones theme song and subsequent recommendations of capybaras riding various animals and driving forklifts. The anonymous source shared excerpts from the admissions group chat:
“hey all! what do we think of the applications this year :D,” one said.
“Check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJqlG6f3c9Q,” another responded.
“lol,” said a third.
“lmao,” a fourth added. “XD”
All thoughts of reviewing applications were quickly forgotten, leaving applicants in limbo awaiting word via email or online portal.
“The only thing on the Vassar portal was some video of a rodent riding a turtle,” one high schooler said. “I’m not sure what they meant by that, but I doubt it means I got in.”
Others added that the confusion had turned them off of the College altogether. “A lot of things drew me to Vassar, like that thing about the really long tree branch that used to have a world record and how they have all those pianos,” another added. “But after this, there’s no way I’d consider going there, even if they accepted me.”
Although Vassar immediately began sending out acceptance letters after realizing the error, at this late stage, enrollment for the Class of 2027 is unlikely to top 200, forcing the College to reconsider its plans to expand and renovate the campus. One of the plans being reversed is the transfer of multidisciplinary programs to Baldwin House, Health Services to the Athletics and Fitness Center (AFC) and the expansion of the AFC to include eight new tennis courts.
The announcement of this reversal sparked mixed reactions from students.
“I can’t believe I played the Baldwin gig for nothing,” one lamented.
“Well, it’s a shame about the admitted students,” another said, “but at least Ballantine Field has been blasted to hell where it belongs.”