As the school week comes to an end, many a Vassar student prepares to head to “the City” over the weekend. Whether visiting home or just having an adventure in an unfamiliar metropolis, being a mere two-hour train ride away from New York City can be a big draw for many students. Sure, NYC is a bustling, exciting city full of cultural opportunities and excitement that many of us could never have dreamed of in our hometowns. Unfortunately, I find it to be scary. I am not one for hustle and bustle; I consider myself more suited for dillying and dallying. So, dear reader, as October Break approaches I have compiled for you my guide to having just as much fun in any suburb as you might in NYC. (I promise it’s exactly the same and there’s no difference and suburbs are just as cool).
First, people love to visit New York City for museums. I’ll admit, NYC does have some truly world-renowned museums full of incredible artifacts. That being said, I know from personal experience that lines for security checks can stretch all the way down the block and the buildings are often crowded and full of people taking pictures in a really annoying way that makes me want to break their phones. Instead, why not try out your local suburban historic site?! There is almost definitely not going to be anyone there except for one incredibly enthusiastic, severely underpaid and surprisingly knowledgeable docent. Go look at a letter that may have been written by President Millard Fillmore’s secretary’s mother’s cousin. Absorb niche local history facts that you can later regale your friends with in the Deece. Ask the docent every single question you can think of, god knows it’s been too long since they got to speak to a visitor. Micro-museums need your money way more than the Met, and depending on what state you’re in, they’ll totally let you bring in your pocket knife.
Second, go on a little shopping trip! Have you ever been inside a Target in New York City? If you haven’t, I implore you to keep it that way, and if you have, my sincerest condolences. It’s a cramped hellscape where nothing cute you saw on TikTok is in stock and everything is sad and there’s too many people, et cetera. In fact, go treat your visit to a Suburban Target like a trip to a museum. Revel in the fully stocked shelves, find clothes in your size with ease, and end your day with a trip to the local Olive Garden. You don’t need to pay $30 for pasta in New York City when the never-ending pasta bowl is back starting at only $13.99!!!
My final tip for you is DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE! I recently found myself walking for a mile in the wrong direction in Manhattan and running through Grand Central Terminal at top speeds all in the same day. Never have I longed so strongly to fill a gas tank for $40 and pump some sweet, sweet carbon monoxide into the air. Walkable cities are overrated. I want to be the king of the highway. There are too many colors on a subway map; you only need to know, like, two colors in a car. Drive to get a fall Starbucks drink, drive to a grocery store four minutes away because there are no safe sidewalks on that road, drive for fun with no destination, that’s as good an activity as anything you could do in NYC. I can’t wait to add to the 140,000 miles on my Subaru Forester. Although I am a very brave girl, I am not brave enough to successfully navigate public transportation. Such things are far more complicated than “green means go.”
If big crowds, small stores and colorful maps make you shake in your boots the way they do for me, I hope that you find this guide helpful. The peer pressure to be uncomfortably in love with New York City can really get a guy down. In three weeks when you return to your comfortable suburban home, I hope that you can use some of my tips to have just as fun of a day as if you were in NYC. Surely you won’t meet up with your old friends, realize you don’t really have much in common anymore, spend 40 minutes trying to decide what to do, and end up walking around your local Walmart and eating nuggets in the high school parking lot…