I’m Screaming with joy this Halloweekend. My love for Halloween must be Hereditary, because I know my Mother! is just as hyped as me. Here’s hoping people Talk To Me and Nun of my friends get too scared (scary masks can sometimes get to Us). You should try to Get Out of your comfort zone and really make the most of your time. I’m going to be dispensing some Pearls of wisdom for you in this article, and I want It to help you figure out your costume.
Christopher Columbus and syphilis: For the historians and/or pre-meds. It’s a long-standing rumor that Columbus brought syphilis to Europe when he returned from pillaging the Americas. For this costume, one person should dress like Columbus and wear a pointed hat and cape, and carry a spyglass, and the other person should hold up a sign that reads “Stay away! I have syphilis!” This costume is not only hilarious, but it has the added benefit of making you very popular at parties.
My water bottle: A very simple costume for any Josie Wenner fans out there. Wear teal, cover yourself in stickers and take several days in between washes.
Spotted lanternfly and spotted lanternfly hunter: This costume is relevant, woke and oh-so-fun. One person should dress in red and wear spots, and the other person should wear a pith helmet and try to step on their friend as much as possible.
Gnomeo and Juliet: Everybody does Claire and Leo R&J for Halloween. Absolutely nobody does G&J. Break the mold. Dress like a gnome.
The Notes app: Personally, I love to scribble things down in my notes app whenever I please. For this costume, write things on sticky notes and cover yourself completely. To give this more of a Halloween vibe, write scary things on the sticky notes. Some examples: “ahhh!” “boo!” “So what are you going to do after college?” “getting stuck in elevators,” “intimacy.”
Average Vassar student: Doc Martens. Jeans. Large sweater. Tote bag. Cigarette.
Pitch Perfect riff-off: Fun fact! The first Pitch Perfect movie features an exterior shot of Vassar. For this costume, wear many, many layers of clothes, sing the iconic riff-off and rip off a layer whenever a new character starts singing.
Ivy League and Whorehouse: A nod to one of Vassar’s funniest pseudonyms. One person should dress like a scholar (sweater, jeans, blazer, etc.) and drape themself in ivy, and the other person (or multiple people) should dress like a prostitute.
A man a plan a canal Panama: An iconic four-person costume for palindrome lovers. Take your pick of the 62/38 gender ratio for a man, dress like you’ve got your life in order for a plan, drench yourself in water to be a canal and wear one of the world’s most stylish hats for Panama.
Noyes House: A splendid dorm and a splendid costume. Make Noyes’ beautiful windows out of popsicle sticks. Curve your body to represent its unique shape. Talk about how full you are to highlight its close proximity to the Deece. Loudly scream the whole night as a nod to its constant, never-ending fire alarms.
Personally, I will be going as slutty Edgar Allan Poe. Happy Halloweekend!