Howdy y’all! One of my favorite times of the year is the season of giving, even the year God gave me two broken hips on Christmas Eve. Tipsy on eggnog and Hennessy, those stairs to the basement fridge to get chip dip seemed so easy to walk down. That was until my legs slipped out from under me and I careened down the stairs. Not one person at the party noticed I was gone for a good half an hour, not even my husband. That was strange, especially since he’s really into chip dip.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the day after our dog Skittles passed away quietly in the kitchen, which was earth-shattering. He was such a good German Shepherd and the kids loved him. He made our beautiful mid-century house feel like home, which burned down in an electrical fire that same night. Luckily we were all in the hospital at the time, since I was getting hip surgery.
Christmases like that remind me of how things were during the Iran hostage crisis. What a disheartening 444 days. America was in such a divisive state–should President Carter have taken a more confrontational approach to retrieving the hostages or was negotiation the right way to go? If it were me in the Oval Office, I would have made those Iranians some of my famous spicy turkey lasagna.
As a proud Southern Woman, every Christmas Eve (except when my hips are broken) I make Spicy Turkey Lasagna for Santa when he comes and delivers his presents.
It’s been a nice 20-year tradition with my three boys, Xaxton, Mikey and Larper. One year, when my eldest son, Larper, asked me, “Why must we always make Lasagna for Santa? Why can’t we just make him cookies like the rest of the families on the street?” I got real close to him and I said, “Santa’s not gonna be around much longer if he keeps eating all these cookies. What he needs is a Southern woman’s spicy lasagna.”
Prep Time:
7 hrs
Cook Time:
14 mins
Servings:
36, or 1 Santa
Ingredients:
1 pound of mashed turkey burger
5 fists of garlic
- 3 bean
- 1 can of “Funky Greg’s Spaghetti Sauce”
- 1 cup water
- 1 teaspoon “Funky Greg’s Spice of Italy”
- 3 lasagna noodles
- 124 ounces ricotta cheese
- 1 egg carton
- 6 slices of American cheese
- 1 bottle of “Demonic Kyle’s Ass Obliterator” hot sauce
Instructions:
- 1. Prepare ingredients.
- 2. Cook the turkey meat, garlic and bean.
- 3. Add “Funky Greg’s Spaghetti Sauce” and “Funky Greg’s Spice of Italy.”
- 4. Add “Demonic Kyle’s Ass Obliterator” Hot Sauce.
4. Bring water to a boil. Cook lasagna noodles in boiling water until soft. - 5. In a mixing bowl, combine ricotta cheese and all 12 eggs.
6. Arrange the layers. Meat sauce, ricotta, noodle, American cheese. Good Job! - 7. Microwave one minute.
- 8. Let rest for about a week.
- 9. Set out for Santa :)
Santa will be sure to enjoy this nice home-cooked meal. One quick note: A lot of people tell me that they go light on “Demonic Kyle’s Ass Obliterator” hot sauce, claiming it makes their eyes water, “in a pepper spray sort of way.” DO NOT SKIMP. Santa will appreciate it greatly. I hope you all have a happy holiday! Avoid those basement stairs!