Heath Crunch Pie
Yield: One pie (serves 8, or 1 depending on how you’re feeling)
Time: A few hours, probably
I grew up thinking that my first words were: “When life gives you Heath Bars, make a Heath Crunch Pie.” I later learned that I was lied to, and my first word was actually “purple,” which is a lot less exciting. However, this is still a phrase that I try to live by: Always be prepared for the worst (a Heath Bar). Though I’ve never come into contact with a lone Heath Bar, nor do I ever want to, I have prepared myself should that day come, and you should too. It might get here sooner than you know.
Luckily for you, I’m sharing this exciting recipe from my family’s hoard of secret(ish) recipes that have been mysteriously acquired over the years. I was not told where this one came from, nor did I ask. If the recipe’s source wants to be known, it will make itself apparent.
Though my family only makes this pie during the holidays, it is fitting for any celebration! Some fun examples include birthdays, getting over your first case of double-barrel pink eye, finishing reading “The Outsiders” by S.E. Hinton for the first time, throwing away old notes that have been sitting in your closet for seven years, and my personal favorite, reflecting on Christmas past, present and future with the help of three ghosts. Rumor has it that this pie was served at the Christmas feast that Scrooge put on at the end of that book.
References to books that I was assigned to read in middle school aside, the ingredients that you’ll need for this pie include:
- An 8-ounce container of Cool Whip (NOT whipped cream)
- 3 ounces of cream cheese
- ½ cup of milk
- ½ cup of sugar
- One of those graham-cracker pie crusts
- A bag of Heath Bar Crunch
All you need to do is mix everything together in a bowl and put that in the pie crust. It’s really not that hard. Make sure you leave about 1/3 of the bag of Heath Bar Crunch left to sprinkle on top. Freeze it until you want to eat it in one sitting or eight, nobody will judge you either way.