The world is in a state of chaos. Everyone has opinions and sometimes thoughts about geopolitical events going on in the world. It is imperative for free speech and my sanity that we are able to express and share our thoughts.
There are plenty of great places to discuss these: academic settings, walking with a pal, debate clubs, meeting with your lawyers (they can never tell anyone, mwa ha ha ha), etc. However, there are several places where you should not discuss geopolitical events no matter how much you may be tempted to.
First, group chats. More specifically, family group chats. My family group chat contains cousins who are too young to understand global conflicts and history professors who might have a heart attack if they see too many hot-take texts. It also has people who are too busy to look at the group chat and will check their phones and just see a message from their relative directed to another relative but visible to everyone that says, “do you support [insert bad thing here]?” Aka me. I do not need to be eating dinner and witnessing my father and uncle going at it over texts that our whole extended family can see. If you’re going to do this, at least text several hours later claiming you were drunk, so I will still think you’re a civilized human being. Or better yet, be drunk so I can better balance the serious with the silly. Also, for the love of God, if you are making a point in multiple texts, you do not have to end each one with “…”! Why can’t you just save this argument for Thanksgiving?
Second, Thanksgiving dinner. I am trying to stuff myself with potatoes, turkey and oreo pie. Not positions, takes and opinions. The only divisions there should be at the Thanksgiving table are the originals and those who married in. If you want to make a fool of yourself at the Thanksgiving table, here are some alternative discussion topics. The pronunciation of gif. The true meaning of Christmas (this one works especially well if your family is Jewish like mine). The abstract idea of jello. The craziest thing you did in college. Why “Ratatouille” is the best Pixar movie (I will die on this hill). Anything connected to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. I think you get the idea.
Next up: Restaurants. In general, I would say avoid talking about geopolitics in restaurants. However, there are certain restaurants where you especially should avoid talking about geopolitical events. First of all, if France and Italy are at war, don’t talk about it at a French or Italian restaurant. Duh. But less obviously, don’t talk about geopolitics at any restaurant that serves breakfast for dinner. If you are eating pancakes or waffles at any time past 11:30 a.m., you are clearly not supposed to be having any serious conversations. Have you ever wondered why no job interview in history has ever happened at a Denny’s unless they are interviewing for a job at Denny’s? Equally as important is not discussing geopolitics if you are a waiter at a restaurant. You don’t want the customer to write “you [insert hyperbolic term here] won’t get a damn penny” where the tip is supposed to go.
Next up is any store that is running low on supplies. People are already tempted to beat you up if you take the last box of toilet paper. Your thoughts on geopolitics might just take them over the edge.
Finally, there is the zoo. Remember who the animals are supposed to be. The only difference between my dad and uncle arguing over geopolitics and two gorillas fighting is that one of those duos has hair on their heads. Petting zoos are OK though. Anyone who goes to a petting zoo is just asking for trouble. If you’re getting bit anyway, it doesn’t matter to me if it comes from a donkey or a David.