The Miscellany News

Ahem. Hello there! Good day, and welcome to my office. Yes, that hanging plant is new. Thank you for noticing. Anyway, you’re here because you want my fabulous career advice. I have a very high success rate when it comes to placing people into the careers they subconsciously desire. Everyone was put on this work to Earth—I MEAN, everyone was put on this Earth to work!! Let’s get started.

1. If you found these items on a table, which one would catch your attention first?
   1. Pen
   2. Dollar bill
   3. Toy
   4. Glass
   5. Watch
2. At a party, which person are you?
   1. The host. I’m very extroverted, and I love organizing social events!
   2. The life of the party. I’m going all out on the dance floor and meeting new people!
   3. The DJ. I’m busting out those tunes and putting out chill vibes!
   4. The foodie. I’ll be eating snacks all night!
   5. The guy in the corner. I’ll be disposed of!
3. How would you describe yourself?
   1. Creative
   2. Independent
   3. Sensitive
   4. Enthusiastic
   5. Hard-working
4. What is your favorite sense out of the five senses?
   1. Smell. My nose knows.
   2. Taste. Yummy yum.
   3. Touch. Baby, touch me. 널 느낄 수 있어.
   4. Sound. What was that scream?
   5. Sight. How many fingers do I still have?
5. How connected do you feel to the other people in your life?
   1. Very connected. I am a valuable member of society who contributes what I can.
   2. Somewhat connected. I wish I could do more sometimes.
   3. Moderately connected. I find myself in solitude a lot.
   4. A little connected. And it becomes hard to reach out to the people I love.
   5. Not connected at all. Sometimes, I feel like just a cog in the machine. If I were to go missing, no one would know.
6. Do you know what happens to useless people?
   1. They are disposed of.
   2. They are disposed of.
   3. They are disposed of.
   4. They are disposed of.
   5. They are disposed of.
7. Are your windows locked right now?
   1. Yes.
   2. No.
   3. Yes.
   4. No.
   5. No.
8. Is your cell phone with you?
   1. I don’t know.
   2. I don’t know.
   3. I don’t know.
   4. I don’t know.
   5. I don’t know.
9. Are you alone right now?
   1. YES
10. REFER TO GRAPHIC

Hi, welcome back! Was taking the quiz fun? I know Question 3 can be a little divisive. Here are your results! I hope you find them useful, because you have to. I have a high success rate for a reason.

If you answered mostly As:

Congratulations! You have quick and nimble fingers that are perfect for sitting at a desk and typing all day. Your dexterity and physical flexibility make you an important part of any professional team! Just remember to keep applying yourself and practicing your skills. Otherwise, you know what happens to useless people.

If you answered mostly Bs:

Congratulations! You have an empty, vacuous mind that’s perfect for sitting at a desk and typing all day. Your brain-deadness and lack of response when it comes to answering basic questions makes you an important part of any professional team! Just remember to keep applying yourself and practicing your skills. Otherwise, you know what happens to useless people.

If you answered mostly Cs:

Congratulations! You have massive cowardice that’s perfect for sitting at a desk and typing all day. Your unwillingness to challenge yourself and take risks makes you an important part of any professional team! Just remember to keep applying yourself and practicing your skills. Otherwise, you know what happens to useless people.

If you answered mostly Ds:

Congratulations! You have a lack of social skills that’s perfect for sitting at a desk and typing all day. Your decreased attention span and perceived self-superiority to others, despite having no redeeming qualities, makes you an important part of any professional team! Just remember to keep applying yourself and practicing your skills. Otherwise, you know what happens to useless people.

If you answered mostly Es:

Congratulations! You have deep-rooted insecurity that’s perfect for sitting at a desk and typing all day. Your insufficient belief in yourself and refusal to grow into a better person makes you an important part of any professional team! Just remember to keep applying yourself and practicing your skills. Otherwise, you know what happens to useless people.

If you waited: I’ll find you.