The end of the fall semester is upon us, and with the roll-in of time, also cometh the roll-in of plague: Whether you have ringworm (annoying) to mycoplasma pneumonia (trying), quarantining is a must for any hopeful recovery. As someone now out on mycoplasma pneumonia, I have compiled a list of fun, enjoyable activities for any Vassar student hoping to spice up their sick days.
Infect your friends
Got that friend you just can’t seem to stay away from? Invite them to your dorm room for dinner, conveniently failing to mention you’re sick. Keep them over for at least an hour, then send them off. Wait at least two hours before sending an, “I’m really sick! Sorry if I exposed you,” text—this makes it seem as if you had no knowledge of your illness when everyone knows you did. You conniving monster! Good for you.
Repeatedly text your friends
Are you off campus? Bored? Too tired to get out of bed or do anything other than draw on your iPad? Good news—your friends are an endless source of entertainment. Be sure to be kind and warn them of the horrors your prophetic dreams have given you, such as Xenon the Dream-Destroyer, Tashi the Exodus and Yemrir a Liasi. You can also make things even more fun by saying things like, “I wish you’d text back more,” or “How come you never ask me how I am?” To maximize the euphoric thrill, be sure to only text people you have no close relationship with, because friends who reach out and treat you right are boring.
Avoid hobbies
Sickness: A time to rest and take care of yourself, perhaps using time you’d typically use for homework on yourself? No! Throw yourself immediately into your homework, take no rest breaks and constantly stress yourself out. This is a sure-fire way to activate the chronic stress response, which throws your body into immune dysregulation and prevents cortisol from suppressing your immune system—absolutely perfect for shredding any infections you may have!
Change who you are
Staying the same, old, somewhat flawed “you” is kind of boring. Changing who you are, for the better, is much more fun. Be sure to use your time off for beneficial self-reflection, such as: “I should really stop texting Conner, he doesn’t want to talk to me” or “Maybe I should try drawing?” There’s nothing wrong with taking some time to reorient yourself.
Remember your virtues
If there’s one thing the stress of college is good at, it’s making us beat ourselves up. But you’re more than your flaws, and every single person, even the worst person on Earth, has good parts to them too. There is something beautiful in everyone at Vassar College, including you. Maintaining good grades while sick is stressful, especially in classes where it’s easy to make silly mistakes that can cost you the grade (physics, where I don’t think I’ve met anyone who didn’t know how to do a problem perfectly on homework—but I’ve met several people who can get 80s on exams). But stressing yourself out does much more harm than good. Never beat yourself up for bad grades—just reassess the situation and try to fix your issues—for physics especially, studying is useful to avoid silly mistakes.
Learn new things
Skill is relative, and trying anything new will remind you of that, painfully. What’s even worse is when people are better than you and mean about it. You won’t be terrible at something forever, however, just because you’re a beginner at it right now—and every day you keep at it, you get slightly less terrible—you might even be very good. For example, I skipped AP Physics, but I studied the entire curriculum and was able to get a double 5 on both AP Physics C exams (I got 5s on all exams that year, actually). I implore all readers of this article to try and pick up one new skill in the coming week, even if it’s, say, writing humor articles for the Misc. Or goat-riding. Or goat-juggling. I think I have an obsession with goats. I became friends with this guy solely because his last name is goat-related, did you know? Although, I stayed friends with him because he’s very kind and takes a genuine interest in me whenever I talk—I might just be a goat magnet, however.
Well, that was fun
Being sick sucks, let’s be real. But by taking breaks, resting when you need to and generally being easier on yourself than you otherwise would be, recovery will take shorter than you might expect. By taking the time to read this article, you’re already half-way there!