Albums pass STDs as the newest unwanted surprises
In recent months, many of the world’s most popular artists have decided to release surprise albums, works that are shoved on the public without pretense. Evidently, many artists have decided…
Humor & Satire
Humor writer cops out with create your own “Matt” Libs
Wow, that was a/an (adjective) dream. I was eating (food item) with (famous Vassar alumna/alumnus) in (building on campus). Was it a dream, or a vision of my future? Ugh,…
Whiny white boys perform a not-so-celebrity rap battle
Holden: Good morning, Ferris Poo-ler, this is Principal Rooney Here to say you’re flunking out because your intellect is puny I can drop rhymes harder than I drop swears and…
Yik Yak leads prospies astray purely for Yakarma points
By Samana Shrestha/The Miscellany News Hi everyone! My name is Yik Yak and I’ll be showing you around Vassar College today. Don’t worry about the mask; it’s just to make…
Matthew’s choice: construct your ideal Founder’s Day!
BEGIN HERE You turn in early the night before Founder’s Day, visions of revelry dancing in your head, and are awakened bright and early by your student fellow. “LET’S RAGE,”…
Upperclassmen profit from version of Easy Bake Oven
Facing the prospect of the proposed mandatory meal plan, upperclassmen are thinking of new ways to use their TA and TH kitchens. Future SoCo resident Blake Mack expressed frustration with…
This spring, freshmen prematurely declare majors and stupidity
Recently at Vassar College, a trend has developed among freshmen that does not involve binge-drinking or putting on experimental theater productions. Rather, the most in-vogue thing to do right now…
Intergalactic ‘dog,’ prospie pillages ruins of Mudd Chem
On Friday, April 8 at around 2 p.m., the crew of the Millennium Falcon was seen outside the partially-demolished Mudd Chemistry building. Reports also state that the Millennium Falcon itself…
AI chatbot adopts Vassar’s unbearable online behaviors
In a collaborated effort to bring artificial intelligence to life, the CIS and Vassar’s Computer Science department created a virtual chatbot to adopt the thoughts, tendencies and attitudes of a…
Finally! A definitive guide to starting a fight
Do you need help controlling the anger within you? Do you find yourself creating fights in your dreams, but never able to do so IRL? Then this article is for…