Prolonged telephone game inspires dramatic narrative
In a dark and cold Chicago alley, a young woman strolled along the cracked sidewalk. She was searching for the man in the blue hat. He always wore that blue…
Humor & Satire
Horoscope– 4/19
Aries It’s time for some of those toxic friendships to go. As it’s almost the end of the year, now’s the time to separate yourself from your friends who fart…
‘Hey, that’s great advice!’ Ask the two Mice of Main
Dear Mice of Main, Everyone at Vassar seems to have their own unique style, but I can’t seem to find mine. I always end up wearing athletic gear, and I…
Pre-registration culpable for student’s pre-midlife crisis
According to concerned friends, Avery Sharpe ‘20 has not left his room in over a week. The cause of Sharpe’s collapse was initially unclear. “I thought it might be because…
Exclusive: Second installment of acclaimed Skrillex fanfic
Since you all were so intrigued by my first installment of my Skrillex fanfiction, I thought I’d bless everyone with the second chapter. To set the scene: Skrillex and I…
Facebook-hating millenial makes people read her post
Between recent revelations about the website’s role in the 2016 election and general waning popularity among the youth, it’s no surprise that fewer and fewer people you know post on…
Horoscopes– 4/11
Aries Since Mercury is in retrograde, you may feel you’re missing out on something. No need to fear; there is nothing to miss out on, except the Vass Shakers Spring…
Student grapples with concept of time, awkwardly arrives early to everything
It is officially the time of the year where I get back to my dorm room after a long day of classes and sleep to forget about the day. The…
Gender neutral bathrooms now self-identify as agender
Proving that how you identify can change over your lifetime, the gender neutral bathrooms in Vassar’s All Campus Dining Center have announced that they would now prefer to be referred…
Horoscopes– 4/4
Aries I, much like you, feel summertime sadness. I assume you feel the sadness for the same reason I do: You can no longer wear wool socks. While you can…